Opti, The assignment issue with your H if I recall was whether he'd be moving to a place where you all could be together. But if he may have to move yet again, are they holding him where he is until they find out? In my opinion, it was when you talked about separate lives that H woke up and started getting more involved in the R. From experience, men just don't get it and often think things are just on cruise control.
You may have hit the biggest nail on the head with (hmm don't see the quote button anymore, another "web improvement"?) OK then the old fashioned way, "You like a challenge, right?" Wonder sometimes how much it is that she is saying I can't have her anymore that drives me to think "Oh, yes I can get you back". She and I both know I can be very persuasive/influential in person. Not in a nasty controlling type of way either. The OM thing is a challenge I can admit I'd never get past as far as being at peace with that. Any other guy than the one that stabbed me in the back acting to be my freind to get close to my wife. I can't even see a saint of a person being at peace with that. Realize that can't control or shouldn't even try to control whether or not xw stays w/OM, it's a decision she has to make on her own. I can, however, make myself a more impressive alternative to her.
So it comes down to the greatest risk versus the greatest reward, a chance to get my family back together or be jobless in a place where I'd have the the infidel that broke up my family in my face, possibly infiltrating my other family members. It would have been much easier if she had said an empahtic no about dating again but as you put it, she definately still has feelings for me. So maybe that not a no is actually a yes? The days of being bitter or miserable are over for me whatever happens, that is a state of mind and I don't allow myself to go there anymore. There are plenty of reasons to go back to CO besides the xw, family first and still have lots of friends there, D19, and enjoy the location better than any other Iv'e been to, and lots of good looking available women if it comes to that.
Talked to xw again yesterday accidentally, called D19's cell and xw answered. She said she had mailed the letter on the not fighting for the boys if we moved back but still doesn't get it that it's not about the wording on the letter. To her, she sees it as a legal thing, to me, it's a matter of trust that she would send it despite all her D'd cohorts telling her not to. Hmmm, maybe I should tell her that.
Get this, also sent her a package with 12 lemons that arrived yesterday, she was drinking Margaritas (with D19! no less) when we spoke and she thought I'd sent them when I was drunk also. Hopefully she'll see the underlying symbolism when she sobers up.
Today is more of a just take the $$$s and go to NJ type of day and see where things are 3 yrs from now if she's not ready now. But that is the low risk/low reward route. Probably will come down to a couple of phone calls in the next few days, although it's probably unrealistic to think she may come out of her confusion that she's been in and send a clear message.
Thanks for being a good sounding board and throwing out ideas, realize that ultimately it's my decision but its always good to hear what others have to say. RonJon
