I have to say that my delayed reaction to your comment "I guess I am just feeling a bit sorry for myself over everything I have been through" AFTER your H sat with you in the candlelight while you bathed and then ML... well, it really reminded me of Mr. Mojo, kwim?
It kind of sounded like this from the enneagram page:
"Level 5: To stay in touch with feelings, they interiorize everything, taking everything personally, but become self-absorbed and introverted, moody and hypersensitive, shy and self-conscious, unable to be spontaneous or to "get out of themselves." Stay withdrawn to protect their self-image and to buy time to sort out feelings. "
Here are the higher levels:
"Level 1 (At Their Best): Profoundly creative, expressing the personal and the universal, possibly in a work of art. Inspired, self-renewing and regenerating: able to transform all their experiences into something valuable: self-creative.
"Level 2: Self-aware, introspective, on the "search for self," aware of feelings and inner impulses. Sensitive and intuitive both to self and others: gentle, tactful, compassionate.
"Level 3: Highly personal, individualistic, "true to self." Self-revealing, emotionally honest, humane. Ironic view of self and life: can be serious and funny, vulnerable and emotionally strong."
This is relevant, too:
"Key Motivations: Want to express themselves and their individuality, to create and surround themselves with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw to protect their self-image, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else, to attract a 'rescuer.'"
In order to attract a rescuer, you have to cast yourself as something of a victim. IOW I think sometimes the 4 is afraid to be happy because then s/he won't need a rescuer. Mr. Mojo comes to mind again.
