It is my belief that the love is there within our MLC spouse. Unfortunately, it is buried beneath all of their pain. They can no longer feel, that which has been covered by all the emotional pain that they have supressed over many years.
The only way they can feel this love again, is to peel away the layers of pain that covers it.
Love is the core of who we are. God and Love are one in the same. God our Crerator has created us in His image. If God is Love, than we are Love as well.
A MLC person has a ditorted way of seeing the past, present and future. What they believe, is their reality. Their reality is not necessarily the truth. They just believe it is.
Have you ever had a feeling where your head feels numb? Like it's been in the freezer over night? This is what a MLC person feels like when they are experiencing depression and are in the worst of MLC. The "deer in the headlights look" is because things upstairs aren't functioning cleary. They can't process thoughts and understanding is out of the question. Their mind is not into logical thinking or reasoning.
When you ask a MLC person a question during the worst of their experience. What is their most common answer? I DON'T KNOW. They can't process thoughts that will lead to any kind of choice or decision. Their in the state of La La Land. That place that they exist between reality and their reality.
A MLC person will lie, and lie and lie. Eventually, they begin to thinking they are telling the truth. They don't know the difference between truth and lies, it all seems to run together.
I believe before someone can love others, they first have to love thereselves. A MLC person does not truly love themselves. I have struggled to love myself since the begining of my time here on Earth. By mot feeling love for myself, it is hard to give what i don't have to others.
I learned that love was conditional. I learned that you don't openly give love to others as they will hurt you or reject you. In my attempts to get love from my mother, I tried to please her. When I didn't please her to her expectations, she witheld her love for me.
Getting and giving love was a game. I never really learned the rules, at least how my mother played the game. To me, it seemed the rules for getting love were always changing. There were often new conditions that needed to be met to get love. What was good enough in the past, was no longer good enough. It seemed as if it became almost impossible to meet my mom's expectations. So, what did I do? Stop trying to get love from her so I didn't have to face rejection.
In my first marriage, I did the same dance I had learned from my mom. My Xw didn't like that dance and it created a less than satisfactory relationship.
I'm learning how to ask for my needs and being more authentic. It is not easy as I was programed for so many hears I have to write new tapes. It's sometimes a painful process to "let go" of what you learned in the past. But if you are to heal and have the love you desire, than you have to go through the pain. There are no shortcuts.
My sisters announcemnet that she wss HIV positive was my "wakeup call" from MLC. I can't say that it led to my immediate loving of my XW. It first brought on a lot of guilt and shame and a feeling of loving myself less for the things I had done.
