Well I think I committed the ultimate sin last night!!
I went out with a guy I work with and we had a great time and I SPLEPT WITH HIM!!!
I feel so ashamed and dirty this morning, how could I let myself do that? I hope no one thinks less of me here b/c trust me I am feeling the emotional ramifications today so bad.
I never should have done it and it was obviously out of lonliness and the fact we had lots of wine. I am not like this and have never slept around so the guilt I have now is huge, not to mention the fact that I feel like I just cheated on my H. Even though at this point I think that he could care less!! Part of me wants to call and tell him all about and say ha ha!
This guy said and did ALL the right things which is why it was so easy to fall for it.
Today is the 1 week mark that I have made NO CONTACT with H. He has sent me 2 TM that were no big deal and I did not respond. Yesterday my girls got their hair all done up at the salon and wanted me to send Daddy a picture so I did, and he TM me back saying Thanks for the picture the girls are beautiful! He still calls them before bed every nite on their phone and my youngest has not wanted to talk to him for the last few nites. You would think this had some effect on him and he would call more but, NOTHING!!
So court is on Tuesday for temporary orders, he will not be there but is supposed to "appear" by phone. My L says if he doesn't even call in to be a part of the hearing that the judge isn't going to give him anything!!
So back to last nite, I feel like such a slut! The worst part about it was that later when I was driving home all I wanted to do was call H and cry and tell him how much I still love him and can we PLEASE try this again, and then reality hit me and I have to keep remembering that he DOES NOT want to be with me. This guy I was with kept telling me how beautiful I am and how much fun I am to be with and he doesn't understand how my H could just throw such a great catch away!! Again, everything I needed to hear.
My girls are sick today and have fevers and I am nursing a wine hangover so as far as having a good day, well we will just lay on the couch and watch movies all day I guess. I have to remember that I am the lucky one I get to be with them everyday, they are my life.
One more thing my relationship with my MIL has obviously started to become strained b/c she feels like she has been put in the middle, this is the woman that I have shared so much with. She has decided that for us to have a relationship we can no longer talk about H. So, she called me this am and went on and on about all of the things she has been buying for the kids and she wanted us to come over today. I think she uses all of her money as a way to "buy" our love especially the girls. She has always shopped when she is depressed and she said that she has been shopping everyday this week! I just wonder if what is going on w/ H and I is what has her depressed. I think she knows more about whats going on in his life than she is letting on to me and probaly feels guilty for her son's actions. IMO
Sorry this is so long just had to get it off my chest, please don't think I am a slut!
And BTW is it ok if I call H and tell him I had sex w/ someone else, ha ha, do you think it would even bother him??
I'm not sure what to say. No, I do not think you ought to call your husband and tell him what you did last night. That isn't going to help the situation. I'm not sure where you stand on your situation. Are you trying to move on with someone else? Or do you hope to reconcile with your husband? I guess my advice is that rushing a new situation or R with a new man is really not the way to deal with your hurt feelings over what your H is doing. Not to mention, if your H comes back, will you then be hurting someone new by leaving them to reconcile your marriage? Just some things to think about. I'd slow down a bit and focus on you for a while.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
In reply the last thing that I want right now is a R w/ anyone else, this guy knows my situation and as cliche as it sounds it truly "just happened". I could have said no but I didn't.
I would give ANYTHING to have my H back!! In some sick way I feel like now that I did that I feel like we are "even" now even though H denies ever have sexual contact w/ alleged OW. On the other hand it made me realize how easy these situations can happen and ALMOST makes it easier to forgive H for what I suspect he has done. However, it is hard to forgive him when he won't admit to it and as of last Sunday is still saying that him and I just "don't work".
I DO NOT plan on going out w/ anyone again for a very long time! I miss the comfort I had w/ H especially when it comes to the intimacy part of a R.
Today more than ever I am missing him SO much and it is so hard to continue to picture my life w/o him.
He is showing no sign of returning or even that he misses us and I still can't wrap my head around that fact. I think it just proves to me that much more that there is OW and he must really be feeling something for her. I hope he misses the comfort that him and I shared for so long. I hope I at least cross his mind when he is with her.
Feeling guilty and sorry for myself today sorry to be such a downer.
Well what is done is done...but don't say it "just happened"...you made the decision to go out and drink with another man...for a married woman that is never a good idea...even worse, as you know, when she still loves her husband...
I am sorry you feel so badly...and it almost makes me sadder that from what I am reading you really can't confirm that your H actually has physically had an affair...if he doesn't admit it and you don't KNOW FOR A FACT...well, it is possible he hasn't crossed that line...and even if he did...the comment you made about being even...well lets just say that is NOT where you really wanted to be...that is step down....
NO you don't call and tell anyone...and I would hope that the man you were with can excersize the same discretion and not talk about this to anyone....these things have a way of getting around like wildfire...and it is pretty hard to convince someone that you have unconditional love for them when you have also cheated....you might want to consider if you REALLY have love for your H...not sure if your religious or not but this scripture might help you analyze your feelings of love...
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8) 4 Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, 5 does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. 6 It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. . .
I would also hope that you stay very far away from this man...once you cross a line it is easier and easier to cross again....especially if you are alone and even more so if you are drinking....
I feel badly for you because I do know how guilty I would be feeling....it would eat me up...and I am a natural confesser...I, like you, would have to tell on myself...but you are in a very volitile situation...H doesn't admit to an A...now you have had one...H could use this to now justify his own A...
Tit for tat is never a good play ground...
Time to decide what you really want....and how much you really want it....because before it is all over you will have to face this with H....
I hope the girls get to feeling better...take care...and I don't mean to be harsh here...but a mistake is one thing...adultery is quite another...but then I think that is why you are feeling badly right now...listen to your conscience ....
I probaly should not have told anyone what I did sometimes it just feels better to get it out.
I know now more than ever that I am TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY in love with my H. I screwed up big time, I have NEVER gone down this road before and it is something I have already been asking God for forgiveness for.
I wasn't trying to justify my actions but what I was saying is that sometimes after all of the gut wrenching pain our H's have put upon us it would be a nice turn of events to have them feel the pain. It would be nice to know that he was aching for me once in awhile and it feels like those days are long gone!
I no longer work with this guy as of 2 weeks ago and we do not have the same friends. He knew where I stood on things when I left last night and he knows how I feel about my H. He had just gotten out of a long relationship and I guess it was 2 people feeling pretty lonely. Yes I made the choice to do it. I hope I will be forgiven here. This board has been my lifeline since my world collapsed and I believe in what we are all doing and why we are doing it.
No I do not have any proof that my H has been intimate w/ OW except the fact that I found out she went to his state 2 times to be with him, so I'm pretty sure it is safe to assume. Again, no excuse for what I did!
My focus will to continue to be on my kids and not going out w/ any guys!
I feel like I have failed so bad at this and hopefully there is still hope in my situation. I would be so easy to give up now!
Again....I didn't mean to be harsh...but I felt what I said needed to be said...
I did not want to imply judgement on you either...we are human and we sin...plain and simple...it is good that you are asking God for forgiveness...ask him for strength and guidance...
I also hope you didn't do this as revenge...I think you should probably think about your comment "what I was saying is that sometimes after all of the gut wrenching pain our H's have put upon us it would be a nice turn of events to have them feel the pain."...go back the Biblical definition of LOVE...it doesn't keep account of injury...it does not become provoked...it does not rejoice with unrighteousness....IF you TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY love your H then you don't want him to feel the kind of pain you have felt...
Again...You want to stay away from assuming....how did you find out she went there???....a man came to my state to visit me...we stayed at a hotel near the beach...BUT I had my own room and he had his...we didn't even kiss...not that he didn't want to...but I had my moral strength in line...I would only have crossed that line with him if I was divorced...and I was SURE that any future with H was out of the question...
I am not trying to be self-righteous here...I have made my share of mistakes...I have sinned seriously in my past...but when in a very sensitive situation and a vulnerable one...you really need to make sure and keep your guard up...a smart woman learns from her mistakes...a wise woman learns from the smart woman's mistakes....so keep reading...learn from the weaknesses and mistakes of others...it will help strengthen you...and you will begin to feel better...
I don't think anyone here is going to shun you...I know I won't...like I said, I feel sad for you because I know what guilt can do....and you will still find this place to be your lifeline...it is good that you don't have to see this man again...keep your determination...really examine your strength for love of your H...even during this time....I focused on "Love endures all things. Love never fails."...for me to say I loved my H I had to believe that I could endure all things...and that I would not fail....
Again...I really am not trying to come across harsh...but I don't want to candy coat the truth either....I won't say it was alright or that he deserved it....but I will be here to support you in getting back on track to save your marriage...you will need it because this will add to the complications at hand...
And please...for your own piece of mind...STOP assuming!!! I know I would be devistated if my H accused me of anything with that other man because I KNOW I didn't do anything immoral with him...while you desserve the truth...your H still says he hasn't been physical...you have to let it go at that....
I will tell you that from my own perspective...when I was a teen and my father accused me of doing things I hadn't done...I would rebeliously do them because if figured if I was going to be punished for something I might as well have the enjoyment of doing it...immature thinking, yes...but then your H could be there and you would not want your accusations to be the thing that nudged him across the line....yes it is his decision...but we all bear responsibility for actions and our reactions...
Take care...read more....get strong...LOVE never fails!
I would like to provide some input. Imlin is right and I need to hear the tough love that is being shared in Imlins post. No, I have not slept with anyone but the temptation was on me in a bad way. A very attractive woman was constantly contacting me over a several week period who is not getting "satisfaction" from her H and thought with our sitch that we could "comfort" each other. I remembered that God has told us not to fight from temptation but to run from it. The reason is that He will not allow us to be tempted more than we can handle but I should never have agreed to communicate with this woman. It almost led to infidelity on my part.
I am not better than you. I was so close to giving in and I am glad I didn't because, like you, I would have trouble dealing with it and would find it difficult to focus on the real problem. In fact, I told this woman that if she loves her husband she needs to get his attention in a positive manner because sleeping with another man that is not her H is going to do nothing but possibly end her marriage. Honestly, she did not care because she wanted to have the affair with me anyway but that is not my problem. I told her what she needed to hear and what I needed to say and that is allowing me not to have regrets.
Do not torture yourself for what you did. Ask for forgiveness, He will give it to you and do not allow yourself to be in that sitch again. You are His child and He wants the best for you. He loves you so let it go once you give it to Him.
This sin is best left to die and not to cause more harm than it has to you. Trust me when I say that guilt like that does not come from Him and our enemy would like nothing more to use this against you and your H.
I am praying that God can give you strength and that you can let it go.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
