OK so I've finished the room!! Hooray!! It looks really good actually and H said he really likes it and is very impressed. Just needs the finishing touch of my painting now which I am making a start on tonight.
I am feeling myself starting to crack though on the other subject. H really upset me yesterday and it has just made me want to mention it even more than I already did. He kissed me goodbye (a good thing I know) - just a peck and I looked a teeny bit dissappointed (it has been a week and a half since a proper kiss) and he said "ugh here you are then" and gave me a bit of a proper kiss (and by bit I mean a bit). If I wasn't upset enough that he doesn't want to kiss me like that it was made worse by the "ugh here you are then" as though it is an awful thing to do and he's doing it purely to keep me quiet. I am really miffed about it. I feel very annoyed about the whole "I need time" "I just need my head to be in sync with my body" "I just need to wait for things to click into place" issue and feel that what he did is just ridiculing my thoughts and feelings on the subject. He is getting everything his way and he seems to be revelling in it to me. He goes out when he likes, he does what he likes, he sleeps as long as he likes and has no physical contact because he doesn't want it. I don't seem to be getting anything I want out of this "deal". I know I can here you saying you have your H but no I don't have my H I have a shell of the man I was married to with a stranger inside it who doesn't want to be with me in the M sense.
Sorry I'm ranting now but hopefully it will stop me aiming it at H and giving him both barrells!! Some inspiration someone please!?!?
