Well I think I committed the ultimate sin last night!!
I went out with a guy I work with and we had a great time and I SPLEPT WITH HIM!!!
I feel so ashamed and dirty this morning, how could I let myself do that? I hope no one thinks less of me here b/c trust me I am feeling the emotional ramifications today so bad.
I never should have done it and it was obviously out of lonliness and the fact we had lots of wine. I am not like this and have never slept around so the guilt I have now is huge, not to mention the fact that I feel like I just cheated on my H. Even though at this point I think that he could care less!! Part of me wants to call and tell him all about and say ha ha!
This guy said and did ALL the right things which is why it was so easy to fall for it.
Today is the 1 week mark that I have made NO CONTACT with H. He has sent me 2 TM that were no big deal and I did not respond. Yesterday my girls got their hair all done up at the salon and wanted me to send Daddy a picture so I did, and he TM me back saying Thanks for the picture the girls are beautiful! He still calls them before bed every nite on their phone and my youngest has not wanted to talk to him for the last few nites. You would think this had some effect on him and he would call more but, NOTHING!!
So court is on Tuesday for temporary orders, he will not be there but is supposed to "appear" by phone. My L says if he doesn't even call in to be a part of the hearing that the judge isn't going to give him anything!!
So back to last nite, I feel like such a slut! The worst part about it was that later when I was driving home all I wanted to do was call H and cry and tell him how much I still love him and can we PLEASE try this again, and then reality hit me and I have to keep remembering that he DOES NOT want to be with me. This guy I was with kept telling me how beautiful I am and how much fun I am to be with and he doesn't understand how my H could just throw such a great catch away!! Again, everything I needed to hear.
My girls are sick today and have fevers and I am nursing a wine hangover so as far as having a good day, well we will just lay on the couch and watch movies all day I guess. I have to remember that I am the lucky one I get to be with them everyday, they are my life.
One more thing my relationship with my MIL has obviously started to become strained b/c she feels like she has been put in the middle, this is the woman that I have shared so much with. She has decided that for us to have a relationship we can no longer talk about H. So, she called me this am and went on and on about all of the things she has been buying for the kids and she wanted us to come over today. I think she uses all of her money as a way to "buy" our love especially the girls. She has always shopped when she is depressed and she said that she has been shopping everyday this week! I just wonder if what is going on w/ H and I is what has her depressed. I think she knows more about whats going on in his life than she is letting on to me and probaly feels guilty for her son's actions. IMO
Sorry this is so long just had to get it off my chest, please don't think I am a slut!
And BTW is it ok if I call H and tell him I had sex w/ someone else, ha ha, do you think it would even bother him??
