I went to a M enrichment / mentoring / mentee session at church (over 100 attended) since my last post on this thread I didn't expect BB to go so didn't say much before hand. When I asked BB if she would go with me, she said it was too this and that, not with in the frame work of what she likes or how she does things. She doubted it would help, but I went.
Don't read this as me complaining about BB, it's also about me not planning and working out things before the event. It is what I expected to happen.
Some things that were said and according to some research: I am not promoting anything here. Just relaying what I heard.
1. Spouses that leave a M, once gone should not be allowed to return for 6 months if they had discussed issues before hand for some time and nothing was resolved. Allowing a departing spouse to return in a week or two lets the WAS spouse think leaving and coming back are no big deal.
The previous statement reminded me of Jenny right now and LFL in the past.
2.For couples that have sex before M, the H needs to apologize to his W and ask for her forgiveness.
I wanted to ask about all of the couples that refrained form having sex and wound up on SSM, but it wasn't my seminar so didn't say anything.
Remember a couple of weeks ago, the group had a speaker that only started to date individually but went on group outings, when he was around 28. He dated his future W 6 months and never kissed her till he proposed.
3. Men don't like counseling but will be more open to training or "Practice" sessions.
There were several disagreements from the male attendee’s but no one said anything. I saw several guys shaking their head from side to side. And a few jaws drop as if to say “you have to be kidding, look at all the men in the audience.
4. 50% of M people in the general population divorce.
Almost as many couples that attend church/religious services divorce at a similar rate.
Couples that verbally pray together and for each daily, have a divorce rate of 1 in 1200. (doing it on the phone count)
5. Treat your spouse with kindness, love and respect for 24 months before leaving or giving up. Don’t expect much of a pay-off for the things you do. You are supposed to do them out of duty, respect, and kindness. It is what you signed up for when you got M’ed. Physical abuse, severe chemical dependency and adultery, are leave now topics.
6. The most common reasons for M problem he sees has some basis in PMS, that is "passive male syndrome" or guys that want to be nice, avoid conflict, and have over bought into some of the feminist men and women are equal or the same. The seminar leader didn't expand on this idea too much it was presented right at the end and the presenter said he sticks to the time he said the meeting was going to start and end.
Someone mentioned the book "Wild at Heart" but the speaker didn't make any comments.
Again, I am not promoting anything here. Just relaying what I heard.
On a personal note, BB's shopping addiction days are starting to bug her again. We took things that cost $400 to the "Donation store that we haven’t used for several years. The part that has me frustrated is we have so much more to move out that I never wanted to buy in the first place, but at the time of purchase, BB said it was her she was spending.
BB was also thinking about selling some of her jewelry to the pawn shop. I said no. Wait 6 month before you do something like that. BB’s friend did something similar 6 months ago and now regrets she sold some her jewelry.
I suppose it is common for people to go in one direction, see that direction's faults, and then go too far in the opposite direction. That is how it feels to me.
Again this is about me being frustrated. Work and work, buy things, too many things then use them for a while only to give them away.
Garage sale? Yes but BB wants to weed out the low $$ first and the garage sale, she wants to go fast. I guess it is her money, her loss.
