I've forgotten what the assignment was with H. But I did talk with H about whether he wants S4 to be with him or not. I am satisfied that he does. We agreed to wait until June, when he will find out about making Chief and has to transfer yet again, before we decide to move S4 and I. Lately H and I have been communicating frequently and very warmly and it's obvious that he misses us and wants to be with us. I have been attributing it to my DBing, but to be honest, I think the fact that S4 loves to talk on the phone with his daddy has really had an impact on H. S4 fights getting off the phone saying, "I want to talk to daddy, I love daddy!" In the past, I don't think H thought S4 thought much about him. But S4 has A LOT of pull with H, and now that he can verbalize how much he thinks about him, H feels an urgency to call.
So for you, maybe it comes down between NJ and CO. I think you should be very prepared to move on with your life without xw as a posssible partner in the future. On the other hand, I also believe that sometimes we need to give our hopes a chance, even if there's a good chance they will fail. Just so we can say we gave it an honest chance and we're OK to move on now. That's why, even when my H was not communicating, I knew that I would relocate with him again. Just to come full circle and give it one last chance so I could move on without wondering. Even though, from xw's behavior in the past, she definately still has feelings for you. We just can't know if other things in her life will lead her to you.
It sounds as if you are leaning toward CO. I was younger than your children when my parents divorced, but they stayed in the same area, and it was helpful to me. So I can see the benefits of being in CO, as long as you are not ONLY wanting to be there because of xw.
Here's a little bur I need to throw in there. You like a challenge right? Well...you need to be at peace with xw staying with OM if that's what happens and you move to CO. I know this is very big sticking issue with you. But how are you going to be able to control whether or not xw stays with OM, even if you are around. What could you possibly do to control her decision in that regard without turning things ugly?
In my opinion, if you decide to go to CO, you are going to HAVE TO come to terms with this, or you are going to be bitter and miserable in CO (with your kids there to watch).
Although, staying in another 3 years as Chief and getting a better retirement has serious attractions too...
