Afterall..... This IS my life IV for heatherg

[heatherg]

Hi Nops, thanks for starting another thread for me, I didn't realize my other one was locked.

Forget about the new church for now.

Yeah, that seems to be the consensus.

After a couple weeks of giving him time to get used to the new you, then it will be time to call him up to the plate and ask him if he is going to play or not.

How do I address the D papers at this point? He only has until March 8 to respond he said. I told him we'd talk about it this weekend. So, the problem is that I don't really have another couple of weeks.

Can you describe your current relationship with your kids to me?

I don't know how else to describe it except to say that if given the choice, they will show their preference for Daddy in just about everything. Who's going to carry them, read to them first at night, whatever, it's Daddy 99% of the time. D4 usued to prefer me, but that seems to have changed.

H knows this and it gives him a lot of power depending on whether or not we are getting along. He knows he has the power to almost entirely exclude me if he wants to, and under the circumstances of the recent past, he has done that often. Knowing he has that power and his willingness to use it was what prompted me to file for primary custody of the kids so that I would be able to make decisions where they were concerned.

When it comes to going places or doing things, it usually feels like I'm just there for the ride. It feels like he's always in control. The bedtime issue has been a great example from him that I do not have the same authority as him to make decisions. I want S6 in bed BY 9:30 ready to sleep, no more getting up. But H has actually physically prevented me from implementing that. I don't know what to do.

Plus, when he is more affectionate with them than he is with me....I just feel so lonely, and in the past I've constantly wondered why the heck I am even here.

On a positive note, H has done some really great things where the kids are concerned, some things that I've requested in the past.

The other night, S6 got an attitude in front of H's family. S6 pushed my hands away when I tried to touch him and H scolded him and asked him to apologize to me. That's huge because I've tried to tell H in the past that when teaching our children respect for each of us, it is far more effective for the other parent to step in and speak up than it is for the parent whose being disrespected to try to teach that lesson. This is the first time that I recall, where H did what I asked...it's possible he's done it before, but if so, it's been so long I don't remember. I've been basically on my own the past couple years with parenting where H would stay silent when S6 was rude or disrespectful or even just unintentionally hurtful. So, his speaking up was a huge change.

Also, we took a nap yesterday as a family and when we woke up H whispered in the kids ears that they should all 'get mommy' on the count of three. That was cute and I appreciated the gesture.

In closing, I feel like H has the power to either add to or detract from my R with my kids. Over the past few years, he's purposely chosen to detract and it's been really, really hurtful. Sometimes, I feel like the easiest way to stay with H is just to sort of give up, give in. There is greatest harmony between us when I do this. I often feel like my spirit has been broken. Maybe I'm depressed? I don't know. I'm struggling to find my role in this family.