Thanks for your very helpful comments, Mojo. I agree that your father had exactly the correct protective attitude, expressed appropriately. My bf's attitude toward his daughters' sexuality is very much the same.
Cobra, you're just going to have to take our word for it. Do you think we're contradicting you just for the sport of it? Hereis an opportunity for you to learn from what we're saying. Clinging to an idea about father/daughter relations that is being discredited right before your eyes by several intelligent, thoughtful women-- why would you do that? It's okay to be wrong about something.
Fran wrote I am going to be very open here and admit something - sometimes I wish he WOULD die. I guess it's a little similar to Choc dreaming he was choking his W.
This is actually a very common fantasy. You're not wrong for having it. I read somewhere that this guy was facilitating a workshop for women and there were about, I dunno, 200-300 women in the room, and he asked, "How many of you have ever fantasized that your husbands were dead?"
Three-fourths of the room raised their hands.
You're not really wishing he were dead; you're wishing your life would morph into the life you want. It's not wrong to want that for yourself.
The reality of your spouse's death is so shocking, traumatic, and devastating... it's really impossible to imagine it ahead of time. Yeah, you're alone and you can do whatever you want, but the thing is, you can't remember what it was you wanted to do. And my husband was ill a lot, so it was pretty clear he would predecease me. I thought I was somewhat prepared. It was still the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me.
Your fantasy won't cause him to die prematurely. His neglect of his health might.
