I used to work on him to take exercise, give up smoking etc. but nothing doing. One of my girlfriends told me off once for letting him get away with it, little did she understand the futility of trying to nag him. His dad had a heart attack about 10 years ago - it just didn't seem to touch him at all he didn't modify his behaviour one jot. When our son was born I begged him for DS sake to take better care of himself - nothing.
It's hard to know what to do in a sitch like yours. I'm not sure what the climate is between you two these days.
The climate improved after our trip to Paris, we had a great time it was romantic, we ML, we stood under the Arc de Triomphe (scene of a romantic assignation between us 18 years ago) and professed our love for each other. We came back on a high for a while things were much better. I'm afraid I am partly (maybe mostly) to blame for the current reverse back to conflict-free distance. What I noticed almost immediately was something I noticed a couple of years ago when things were going well between us - namely a feeling that I'd gone for gold and got the bronze. Mojo's new found solo status has me somewhat envious, they've finally admitted they are not right for each other and they are still friends about it. I wish we could do the same. I have sometimes brought this up but somehow he manages to turn the romance up to full power and warm me up so that I feel like I must be crazy to think we're over. It's not that we're over it's just that somehow we never quite were.
I am going to be very open here and admit something - sometimes I wish he WOULD die. I guess it's a little similar to Choc dreaming he was choking his W.
Why would I wish such a thing? It would take away the problem of trying to work on this R, and it would take away the problem of letting him down and of telling him the truth about how I feel.
I absolutely do know that I am wrong in fantasising this, not just morally wrong, but wrong to believe it would be any kind of solution. What it really is is a wish to press rewind, go back 10 or so years and split up then before there were kids involved.
No I don't go to alanon. The two nights a week I get to myself I go singing or I go to the gym, maybe I should drop the singing for a little while but I'd rather not.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
