Thanks so much, Lin. H was just back at the office again, and we went over some work stuff. I made myself smile and laugh and be cheerful and tell him a few things I'd done this week. He was kind and laughed with me. We went over the work stuff, and then he left. It's so sad, but when I know he's going to leave, I find myself asking him or telling him "just one more thing" so as to cling to every last moment I can with him. I need to work on that, and I need to be the one to sometimes end the communication.

It was kind of weird, as he went to the bathroom while he was at the office, and he just left the door open and did his thing with me right in the next room. I know we're married and that that isn't a big deal; it just seems kind of odd, if that makes sense. I guess it's good that he at least still feels comfortable enough to do that, right? (Baby steps...)

Part of our conversation involved some future plans for our business, so it was nice to talk about that. That obviously has nothing to do with the R, but it's still nice to be talking about things in the future.

So as far as our trip, when do I ask about that again to see what his wishes are?

Gosh, that must have been absolute torture for you to have to listen to your H on the phone with the OW. You have so much strength. I admire your perseverence so much. And to think that they were talking marriage and that you had to hear the ILY words! Gosh... I can't even bear to ask him if he loves her. I don't want to know the answer to that question.

What kept you holding on for so long? Why didn't you decide to move on? Did you have a limit of how much longer you were going to wait? Did you know when the A ended? How did it happen that he came home?

What are my best chances of when the A ends having him come back to me? Just by LRT, GALing, etc.? I don't want to mess this up. I keep blaming myself, both for our poor sex life that contributed to getting us here and me not doing anything about it and also for feeling like I failed somehow when he came home for those 2 weeks. I keep worrying that if I get the chance again, I'm just going to screw it up. And he's is just not good at being able to tell me what to do to make it better...

As for our sex life and orgasming, I'm fine in talking about it. No holds barred, right? Got to get this thing fixed. Yes, I did orgasm, and that's how this sort of came out in that when I did, he said that that's all he's ever wanted. I usually can orgasm if I'm "in the mood," but our sex life was getting so routine (the rare times that we even were having sex), and neither of us did anything about that, that I really had to work at it most times. Had I realized that it was so important to him, I would have worked harder at it.

Thanks again for your help and support, Lin. It has helped so much to be able to talk to you today. Thank you.