Okay....I made the mistake of telling everyone about H...I lived to regret that for a long time....thank goodness no one has mentioned to him that I said what I said...he worked to get accepted back into our congregation and the forgiveness is great with our friends there....I did tell him there was on sister in our congregation who went through something similar and that she was my inspiration....he was upset that I had talked to her...but he did get over that because she is such a wonderful loving person that she showed him that she held no conditions against him...
If you husband asks you NOT to go with him, then don't....and don't ask...don't question him...just accept that is what he wants and let it be...
I had the ummm, priveledge of hearing my H and OW on the phone...it was a 3-way call but only H knew I was there...he was telling her that he was going to work on our marriage and I wanted to hear him tell her....I heard how loving and accepting she was....how when he told her she "supported" him...told him she would be ok...for him to do what he needed...and to know she loved him.....I felt like I was breaking up a wonderful couple...boy was that a hard one to swallow...
Even though they were talking marriage...she split from her H and filed for divorce....their A ended...but he didn't come back to me for probably over a year after that!...so in answer to question about that....it would be best to realize that even if the affair ends...it doesn't mean you automatically win...
H told me he would go out and observe other couples...he felt that our relationship was majorly disfunctional....suprise to me because I thought we had a great marriage and so did our friends...you have to understand that my H was severly abused as a young boy and witnessed the abuse of his sister as well...so he was "damaged goods" as he says...
Basically anytime your H is away from is time he might use to examine himself...think about what he wants....how to get it...
As for the business...just do it as if nothing has changed....funny that you are in real estate investment...my H is in real estate...pretty much the end of our marriage was when he went into real estate...he was good at managing others just not himself....
For right now....and probably for a long time....DON'T try and draw H out....that means questioning him and he is tired of it...our explosion included an affair too...I had no idea that H was that sad....he did say he tried to tell me but that I didn't listen...
I will go back in time a bit...6 years before the A he had an online EA that I discovered...he begged and pleaded for me to forgive him....in all of that I found out part of that was because he wanted to feel passion and excitement...something he said wasn't happening with us...our sex life was very routine...and sad to say I often watched TV at the same we had sex...I DIDN'T APPRECIATE WHAT I HAD...well sometime after that I did spice things up...we got more affectionate then we had been...it was like we were teenagers again....and to think just 6 years later he walked out...I thought things were great...sure we were having problems with finances and emotionally that was stressful for me...but I had no idea that he was online again...except this time he was done with me....didn't love me...and wanted out before he died!
As for your guys' sex life...you mentioned it so I will discuss it...if you don't want to I understand...but you mention him wanting you to orgasm....but you don't say if you were able to or not....I know this was important to my H...but then I don't have a problem with that....and he is really good at making love so in that respect we don't have a problem anymore...well except now he is very routine, lol...but I can live with that for now....
Basically I made a lot of mistakes....and I found hope and support here that I feel helped me to save my marriage and I am prepared to give back now that I feel I am in a place of strength again...
So for as long as you need...I will be here...take care and I know if you are anything like me...you CAN DO THIS!!!
