I don't want to overcontrol with a schedule, but a schedule seems necessary for me to have the security of a stable sex life, and gives me a chance to plan my sexuality by taking a bath, thinking erotic thoughts, etc.
I once read a novel in which an empty-nest couple developed the routine that the wife would take a bath in the evening and the husband would just sit and watch her and they would talk about their day and then they would have sex. Maybe you and H could do something like this to sort of get in the mood together? Maybe you could even add something like he could read some erotica aloud or you could tell him a sexy story from the tub. I'm just thinking that this might be a scenario that would get you both simultaneously relaxed and aroused.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
