I agree, and as far as the negative thoughts go, I get them all the time, that's why I started the thread for positives. I needed a place to share with everyone what a positive is. It's not the end result in the situation, but the little things that lead up to it. I enjoy your wisdom, and your knowledge, and I guess thats what I was getting at. We are all students here but some are at the head of the class. I am able to give support and use my own situations to give advice.
I told Sol this, I have completely gone away from talking about our M, and things look better. I don't know if you've caught up on my sitch but it has been one hell of a ride. The rollercoaster of events and emotions have been like it was built over the Grand Canyon. Very little details are the ones that make me hold on.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
Very little details are the ones that make me hold on.
I urge you to look to yourself for your hope. I urge you also to appreciate the interactions, but not allow them to dictate how you feel about the situation. Emotions will be all over the place, but if you allow them to dictate your hope or your actions you'll be in trouble. Stay focused on your plan, on your mission, and evaluate your actions against your plan. This will keep you in a rational place rather than reacting because of your emotions. This way you can observe the "grand canyon" from a consistant vantage point, without it impacting the actions you take.
One other point: I think PMA is critical to not only a good experience in marriage, but in life too. However, using the power of positive thinking to avoid realities that you don't want to engage in isn't healthy. Denial doesn't do anyone any good. Accept your thoughts for what they are, accept your emotions for what they are, make sure you've got a plan or a code you want to live by and then choose your actions based on how well they accomplish goals in your plan or whether they reflect your code.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
Well, I thought I said that wrong and I was trying to explain myself. But you were right. I am focused on my plan. Little things make me feel good, but my plan is in effect, and I am not letting her pursuade me by her actions or her emotions. But enough about me this is your thread.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
P.S. like I said you have the answers, you need to focus on them. I read some of your last posts and they were really down. When you first started giving me advice, I saw a very positive, solution based thinking on your part. Things went bad somewhere and I see that in your writing. All the advice you gave me, and the advice the coach gave me, I have put into my plan. It has been rough, but it's better then when I lived with my parents.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
Muddle, glad you liked the book! If you think it was a worthwhile read then maybe sell it to her on that, "I just read this really interesting book, I learned alot from it, I'll just leave it in the living room so you can take a look if you want to" Just kind of matter of factly and then leave it lying around for her. If she doesn't want to, she won't and if she does, she will. Make it like you don't care one way or the other. Good luck!
Muddle, I just thought I'd mention the book I've been reading, another that may interest you. It is "How to improve your marriage without talking about it: finding love beyond words" It's approved by Michelle, so we're allowed to read it But it's whole point is about connectedness, how to do so without verbalizing and how verbalizing often inhibits connectedness between men and women. I'm finding it quite fascinating. It might also be a perfect fit for your sitch! Anyway, I hope you are well and we'll hear from you soon. BTW I'm in the middle of Barker's book on happiness that you suggested. Good stuff!
Muddle, it has just been published and the libraries are often a little behind in new items. I just happened across it in the bookstore and fell in love with it, from the first time my eyes locked on its pages, I knew this read was meant to be. It was new, exciting and I felt so alive and I just couldn't put it down. I hide it from my W, the book and I meet secretly in a dimly lit secluded spot in my basement, we take it slowly just one page at a time. I never planned to love this book, it just happened. I do feel guilty about my new love as my W thinks I'm doing laundry but hey, I can't help what I feel! This all seems vaguely familiar to me for some strange reason!
Well, I told W that I had read a book I thought was really interesting, and I wondered if she might like to read it. She responded "is it the book I saw in the bathroom upstairs? I already have a therapist. I prefer my therapist to do my therapizing. I don't do it myself." Well, ok then. I didn't push it at all, just let it go. I did find it interesting that she sees therapy as a process being done to her (totally consistent with the way she views herself as passively involved with the world), rather than a therapist helping her resolve her issues, being a resource, but my W doing the work. Oh well, you can't live people's lives for them, they have to find their own anwswers.
BTW, Whatis, you're too much with this oh so subtle parody affair you're having with this book! Have you been caught yet? Is it out in the open, or are you managing to keep your secret under wraps?
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
But it's whole point is about connectedness, how to do so without verbalizing and how verbalizing often inhibits connectedness between men and women. I'm finding it quite fascinating. It might also be a perfect fit for your sitch!