Wow, thanks so much, Lin. You are helping me today more than I can explain. I wish I could hug you! \:\) Thanks so much.

It sounds like you have been through a very similar situation. I admire you so much that you continued to hold on and made it. You give me strength and courage. Please continue to do so! I am so happy for you that your H finally told you he loves you again. And the thought of knowing it took years feels like an insurmountable mountain for me right now... God help me.

What tools did you use to help with your communication style? Can you offer some advice on this?

Was your H similar in that he would just shut down on R talks? Mine can't even LOOK at me when we talk. He plays with his fingernails or tears the label off of a bottle or something. (BTW, he's not an alcoholic by any means, but he seems to feel the need to drink during our conversations - I guess it relaxes him. So I drink, too, (not excessively, but just grab one with him), to help ease the tension.) One of the things he told me about the OW is that she is more outgoing than me. So I've been working on letting loose more when we go out, having more fun and not being so tense, drinking every once in a while (again, not in excess), etc. He hasn't said anything about it, but I'm sure he's noticed.

I told him yesterday that it hurt me so much to know that I waited 3 months for him while he said he was ultimately going to give us another chance, and then when he did come home, he didn't give us a fair chance - that all I got was 2 weeks. He said something like that he didn't know what he was expecting but something different. He also said that it's either right or it's not. This hurt so much, as I have been learning so much about how to heal this and that you HAVE to work on R's to make them work, that the initial butterfly stages are temporary and after that there's work to do to keep the passion alive. He says so many things that I know are normal to feel for where we are at, but he's adamant about not getting help. He says it's "not him." But he DID go to some R classes with me years ago, and we had a great time. I think he's just not in a place right now emotionally to be open to that, and he's just making excuses.

I also told him this is so hard on me because I didn't fully understand just how upset he was about our lack of sex life, and now that my eyes are obviously wide open to it, I WANT to try harder to be better at this, and I'm frustrated that he won't even give me that chance, after all we've been through. He said it was too late...

I just have to keep reminding myself that, like your H, he keeps going back and forth on things. And although yesterday's conversation was horrible, I have to keep the faith that if I did talk to him about it again today, tomorrow, or next week, he could say the exact opposite. As excited as I get when he gives me hope (and then changes his mind and dashes it), I have to learn to take the bad things he says that same way, that he could say something positive the next day. I need to stop getting my emotions so tied up in what he says. He's obviously very confused right now, and my "birddog" ways of pushing him are just making him say something - anything - to get through the conversation.

What do you think about the business side of this? Do I just keep on plugging away and contributing to it for now and let him be with her? Or do I tell him that it's possible if we don't work out that I might not want to be in business with him anymore and see if that changes his mind about how he wants to proceed right now? But if I do that, he could say one thing and change his mind tomorrow. I'm so confused...

I haven't talked with him yet today. I feel almost like I'm having an out of body experience in that I don't feel whole - feel so desperate and sad and isolated - lonely. It's so hard to not being able to talk with family and friends about this. At the same time, WHEN we work this out (need to stay positive about this), it would be much too hard to face all of these people again and know that they know what happened. So, it's what needs to be for now. That is why I'm so grateful for this board and wonderful people like you.

I'm unfortunately not being productive today at work, but I just can't help it. I guess maybe I just need a day to get through some of these emotions and get them off my chest and just "be." Not the best use of my time as far as the business, but I just can't focus. I miss his touch and love so very much...

Thank you for listening and for your strength. Please continue to share what you went through with me. It really helps to know we have similar situations and personalities and that you made it. Thank you so much.