I feel like I am going around in circles, revisiting the same issues over and over and over. Am I making progress? I just don't know.
I don't want to overcontrol with a schedule, but a schedule seems necessary for me to have the security of a stable sex life, and gives me a chance to plan my sexuality by taking a bath, thinking erotic thoughts, etc.
I was reading Mrs.Cac's thread and related to her need to control, even though she is an emotional person underneath it all. Overcontrolling is my defensive against vulnerability. I have put a lot of thought into the schedule idea, and feel it's the right about of control for me...it gives me an opportunity to have regular intimate time with H, and that brings about vulnerability.
There is something about the schedule idea my H doesn't like. Maybe it feels like I am controlling him ,rather than it being something I need for me. He will treat it as a game, and mess it all up. I won't feel grounded. And in 2 weeks' time we will be back to square one, with lots of chaos and no forward movement in connection, just sex control games.
