Lil, the Enneagram stuff is really interesting. I agree that I am most definitely a 4 and H is a 5.
Thinking about it, I see that I really didn't bond with either parent. I always felt like I didn't quite belong, didn't really fit. I remember envying my cousin's relationship with her mother, and how easy and effortless it seemed. They were two peas in a pod.
What you posted about the 4/5 problem areas seem pretty accurate. Also:
-Fours tend to be easily frustrated with the quality of attention they get from Fives (since they can be preoccupied with their mental worlds, not with the relationship), thus they tend to provoke the Five until they get a response.
-Usually, the Five retreats first, feeling overwhelmed by the Four's escalating needs and demands. Of course, the Five's withdrawal triggers more clinging and neediness in the Four, more demands, and more endless analysis of the relationship itself.
Thanks for the info.
P.S. You mean you attend chorus rehearsals on-campus? My univ. had a chorus open to all U students and the community.
