Wow...you sure do lay it all out....well here goes (because I can so totally relate to you on personal level...except H called me the "pitbull")....this is coming from experience..
One question for you...Do you feel like when you ask a question or give an example of something and H answers that maybe H didn't understand what you meant because the answer isn't what YOU had expected him to say?
I felt this way and the way you described above...yes the asking 50 million times...just changing the words around..
I will tell you this....YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THAT....it is hard but not impossible...I used to drive my H nuts...and when he left he did/said much the same things yours is saying...we can stay married....we can get divorced....yes he knows what he wants....no he is still figuring out what he wants....no he doesn't want to talk about the R.....yes things might work out and he will tell me later....sound familiar???...he also didn't tell anyone we had separated....no friends, family, colleagues...no sound really familiar???
Start NOW...STOP questioning him...STOP snooping on him....STOP being all sad and soppy around him....if you can't do this at work then work different hours....
You can avoid R talk...you can do this....you MUST BACK OFF....if you don't he will definitely finish things with you...he is tired....exausted...and OW is a breath of fresh air...H told me how I was different from HER....boy did it take my breath away...I had to learn to be a better person or I was going to loose the one person I had chosen to spend my life with...
I would say about the trip...stop asking him...he has said you can go...so go...do what ever it takes to be quiet, happy looking, interested in what he has to say (without QUESTIONS), don't try and clarify anything he says....
You have your work cut out for you...as did I...my H told me he never asked me to change because he didn't think I could...and he thought he could put up with it....then he exploded....
I will help you however I can...but for now work on being meek, mild, and having self-control!
