Reading this reminds me so much of my own sitch...however, my H didn't come home once he left...for about a year and a half...
I got the same thing about working on things...I will say that your asking "are we okay"....not a good question...becuase you KNOW YOU'RE NOT OKAY....
All I can say is what you know...you need to back off of him big time...I know how hard this is...I had been with my H since I was 15 and he left me when I was 43....I had never lived on my own....went from parents to him...so talk about shock..
I cornered him on conversations like you did and finally got the same answers...I don't want to be married to you anymore...I can't deal with it...funny but there was business involved with us also that would keep us in contact....he was okay with this too....but then the more I pushed the more he began to question this..
It finally came down to him moving away...and not replying to anything from me or our son...this was devistating but in the long run I think it was good because it FORCED me to stop snooping, stop R talk, stop asking him to come home, stop asking about OW....if he wasn't answering my email, phone calls and I didn't know where he lived there was nothing for me to do but finally GAL...
He was gone for a long time....in that time I really worked on ME and was able to truly become someone I was happy with...and in the end someone who H felt he could now begin to "try" and work on things with...
Fast forward a year or so and he just told me on our 27th anniversary the words I had not heard for over 3 years (at least not when he was sober, and he is in recovery now)...I love you!
So anyway, my point is....do what YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO DO...do it for YOU...you can't go wrong....and what ever it takes to give him space...give it to him...stop snooping...let him go so that when he returns it will be on HIS time when HE is ready...not because of guilt...
