Alimari, thanks for the sweet words. Your words are always so kind and caring.
I think what's really disturbing me most about all this is here we're piecing. I've done sooooooo much to try to make things work (for sooo long), my husband has changed and he's really done nice things for me and is trying hard on his end... but it just doesn't feel like enough to me. I feel like I want more from a relationship, and after everything that has happened it would be nice if he were considering me and my feelings, like: "Hey, my wife has never gone on a Carribean cruise (or ANY cruise, or Carribean vacation for that matter). It would be really romantic and special to do this with her."
Instead I get, "Well, maybe if it's nice we can do this together in the future." This is my husband's first cruise. I think it would have been kind of nice if we could have done this together. Instead he's doing this with his dad and a bunch of other boozers (even though his dad is married -- to the secretary he had an affair with during the last 7 years of his marriage to my husband's mother -- he's a horrible influence... drinks too much, talks trashy about women, and thinks he can "buy" any of them... really disgusting!). Of course, his dad is paying for my husband to be there so I can't expect him to have given up on a semi-free cruise...
but it still, it would have been nice to have gone on our first cruise together. So much in the marriage was polluted and torn apart. It would be nice to have had something special like this together. At this point I just want to go take a vacation myself... I think when he gets back I'll plan to go see my dad in Florida this spring (without my family!). Does that sound vindictive? I actually have some good reasons for my family not to be around my dad... like my dad isn't the greatest guy and I don't like to have him around the kids because he can be very critical of them.
