He cannot get over the OW help us...

[Heartbroken]

Sometime I feel I am out here too much and then other times I am so glad to be a part of this family...who knew there was this much hurting going on in this world. And we are just a small part of it - think of all of those that just give up and file for D.... I will not be the one to give in (at this point) H has to make that decision and convince me we are done. I have 18 yrs invested in this family and their (H & Ow) 8 mos fling is just a SMALL INSIGNIFICANT blip in the big picture of things. I am fighting this tooth and nail for the sake of our two kids, for my marriage and mostly for ME. I never knew how much I actually loved this man - I mean I knew I did but never would I have believed I could accept and forgive an affair!!! You can never say never until your in those shoes...

[jamespb75]

When my W and I first dated, I told her I had been cheated on before. And NEVER would I let someone do that to me and still be with them. I told her if she ever cheated on me she might as well leave. Now, married and a two year old S later, I can't give it up. I would have never thought it would be like this, and yes, I never knew how much someone could mean to me.

[imLIN]

From a survivor....yes, it is worth it...but you may not realize that until a year or so after the return...the work when they get back is immense and sometimes I found myself missing my "quiet single time"....

I really feel this time is needed apart...if we had gotten back together too soon I would not have been ready for my part of the deal to work things out....so look at this time as a positive time for you to be able to become who YOU NEED to be...and hopefully your S's will come back as the PERSON YOU WANT THEM to be....

[Heartbroken]

imLIN - Thanks for the pep talk to both Jamespb75 and myself! I was in a funk this morning - that'll teach me to have too many beers! I had to go to work (helped run high school lab at a local hospital) and got out of the funk big time!

H is here working on his beater car in the garage - boy did he hug me good today! That's a positive!

You are so right - IF he does come back to me I have already said we are in for A TON of work. H agreed with me on that one!

Thanks for all your help! It's great to get a 'pro's' advice especially cuz you have been there!!

[Heartbroken]

I was doing so well when H was here - he seems older and sadder - I was sad to seem him go. Night is so hard - I am getting sad again and I am so short with the kids and I just keep apologizing to them. I hate life again and I guess I am just at a low point once again...

[imLIN]

Time to get out a funny movie...pop some popcorn or call a good friend and have a few laughs....

[Heartbroken]

Thanks! I did talk to my Mom - not so much my sitch (I am learning to hold back from that) just general stuff and how her vacation in FL was! She got me back on track and I was even L'ingOL!! I went to bed by 9:10 and slept fairly good.

Woke up way to early 5:30 and COULD NOT stop thinking of Ow - I have a huge chance of seeing her in the school bldg this Friday and I am not sure how to handle it. I mean I cannot make a scene - we will still have S(9) there for another year...but I do not want to back down from her either. She is the one who should be ashamed (we were friends for the last 6 yrs) but I am not sure of who she has become either...

[~Sol]

Heartbroken,

Both of us need to end these thoughts or we will get into a funk again! I know it's hard, and we need to pour our emotions out so we can start to think straight again! There is a saying: "what you focus on will become"

Just have a good day today and make it fun for the kids!

[Heartbroken]

Sol,

It's funny how we help each other and give such words of wisdom but then have SUCH a hard time following them for ourselves!! I am going to keep busy and we are doing lunch and a movie - AS A Family (but then I will not read more than that into it). H wants to work around the house later today too! He just cannot stay away - not sure if this is good or bad!!

You have a GREAT day too!!

[Heartbroken]

Well S (9) had meltdown this morning - "I hate my life, this family and why can't you two (H & I) just get along..." I have been dealing with this on my own and called H to come over to take a turn....not sure if it was a good idea but H got over and did deal with him.

H seemed so sad and kept saying things like he has screwed his life up so bad... I suggested that maybe he call the couseling service offered thru my job. He said maybe... I said you talk to NO ONE but her and I and you need someone else...

We got better and then went to lunch and the movies with the kids. We got to the house and H shleped wood up to our wood holder and did stuff around here. When he came in and was done I said his Mom called me and I did not share any more than I already have though she was pressing and then H got down again. He said he should just file for D, end it with me, end it with Ow and then NOBODY wins...

H alluded to the fact that Ow is pressuring for him to file again ('well indirectly') and I said how will that make yours and her sitch any better right now? H agreed and told her that too..

I said we are still in turmoil and it's only been 1 week in the apt - too soon to make any rash decisions. H said he's just tired of the lies - I said I have not been lying and he agreed... I think Ow is pressuring H big time and he is lashing out to me. H wants me to help solve their problems though he knows I do NOT want to discuss her at all and she came up to much as it was... I once again brought up him talking to someone and he says you know I hate to ever ask for help with anything (so true)...

I said if he just wants to do things with the kids - like this movie just to tell me and he said no he enjoyed having me along - I cannot win. I basically have encouraged him to get the apt to see Ow on his own schedule - how much more do I give the man. I am so tired of all of this and now I feel the roller coaster going back downhill again...

Any advice?????