I think I belong here.

[peaceful_spirit]

Thanks for all the interesting and thought-provoking dialogue.

So, I made some progress last night. First of all, H showed up with flowers and thanked me for a week of "pleasure". I gave him a kiss and said, "and the weekend looks promising, too" referring to the fact that he had gotten me flowers.

So, last night when we went to bed, I was waiting for him to initiate. That is one of my problems. I feel that if he doesn't initiate, he's not interested. So, I brought it up. I said that I thought a lot about what he had said earlier this week and it was eye-opening. I also said that there are things that I would like but that it's not easy for me to say (even thought it was nothing crazy). So, I told him what I liked.

I also brought up the whole initiation thing. I said that sometimes I want to but I'm embarrassed to initiate. I said that i assumed that if he wanted it, he's initiate. He said that i need to get over that. He asked me how many times he gets shot down my me.

It was a decent conversation, although it was hard for me. So from that, we did have sex.

I hope that I am keeping the lines of communication open.

My other fear is that he will think that my advances are too contrived. I feel like I have this image of being reserved. So if I'm not reserved, he will think it's weird of me. I said that to him and he said I was crazy.

I guess I need to get more comfortable exploring this issue.