If you can emotionally detach and let him be you'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel. But I do realize some people have great difficulty doing this. I do hope you can. I believe it's the best chance you have. At this point, from what you've described about mentioning "the luxury" of time off with the hysterectomy, you come across in a negative light. I'd try to avoid ANYTHING to do with her. Just focus in on yourself and your kids. Anything that has a potential to make you look jealous or "catty" should be avoided.
Rather than asking details that relate to OW, try asking him how he feels and what he thinks. Totally avoid any relationship and OW talk. And if he happens to bring it up just agree and be supportive no matter how crazy it sounds. Right now you just want to get a friendship going and let him see the positive things in you.
