Stubborn, I know every sitch is different but often I feel like we're playing a game where we don't have the rule book! You just do the best you can with what you've got. What more can we ask of ourselves.
yeah, and we missed the seminar on "Be as Tacky and Thoughtless as possible." damn I was reading to dd for bedtime. Got her down, come out, the phone rings, it's spouses cell phone on caller ID...I'm not answering. Left a message she "had" to go out for a while but will be back later. I am sure she expects me to take this as an improvement over her coming in to tell me WHILE I am reading to DD...grrrrrr
yes, but will she bring her sense of loyalty and commitment with her? That neverending joy and cheer she spreads? Tomorrow she is taking DD for day and I wasn't invited. This because I pointed out that although she takes her to school on her days off and therefore has to get up, on my days off there is no school so I have DD all day. This was not a popular revelation and tomorrows trip, although phrased as "you can have the day to yourself" is not planned for my benefit. At least I know OW ain't going. That might be a deal breaker for me. grrrrr.
anybody seen my rulebook?
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
ahhh, the old "easy button"! I think I saw that next to the "I'm not hurting anybody" blinders, right by the "I can't help what I feel" armor...
Advice, dear friends, would now be welcome: vacation is coming...just the three of us. This is a tough time because the bomb was right after our spring vacation last year. I gave myself a year and it's almost up. I have been wondering if it would be worthwhile to tell spouse I had that timeline in my head? Opinions?
I have goals for vacation: I am kissed by spouse (god knows more would be fun but...)Spouse and I play some game every day (darts, scrabble whatever, she always wins) We laugh together alot.
Laughing may take some work on my part, although the last couple of days I feel detached and less sad. I still feel like a little girl deserves more from her parents in our home but I cannot control everything. Damn!
Positives: She's going on vacation with me. (I don't think our cells will work there! yeah, no phone calls to OW)
We had a talk she initiated and she told me ILY. I was walking into the house and actually froze and had tears running down my cheeks. She said "what? Did you think I didn't" (no, I thought you had a hell of a way of showing it) I took a few deep breaths and then returned to her, kissed her brow and said ILY too.
I have pushed the envelope lately and she always gets pissy mad when she feels she might have to consider her own behavior. So she gets rude and defensive. But she has been apologizing for bad behavior. Wouldn't have to apologize if she didn't engage in it but...)
Speak to me my wise advisors!
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
Wow, that would make me nuts! Her telling you that she loves you yet continuing on with the OW!!!! At least my W says "I don't love you" which might actually make it easier to live with, if that makes any sense? I wouldn't bother telling her about your self imposed 1 year time limit, what would be the point? If you choose to extend it then that is a personal choice and has nothing to do with her. If you feel you can stay and handle it, then do so. Maybe, instead, you could just tell her some of the things you now appreciate about her behaviour towards you, give her some positives to work with...can't hurt. She must be doing something that makes it tolerable to still be there or you wouldn't be. Have a great trip Stubborn, you damn well deserve one!
I fluctuate between being "the glass is half empty" and "could be worse - could be raining"...I am going to work myself hard to have a good time. It's not difficult where we're going...Today I am amazingly "up" and last night someone was cranky and I just stepped out and chose to decide it wasn't about me...or at least to act like it wasn't about me. I fear my optimism comes from a lack of clakety clack emailing from our house last night. and cranky is a good sign...it signals trouble in "paradise". or was it "parasite"?
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
hmm... be careful here stubborn. Don't start to have hopes about the trouble in paradise. You are deserving of your W choosing you b/c she wants you and not b/c of trouble in paradise.
As far as vaca goes... no expectations. Goals are fine, but don't necessarily expect them to be met. Plan on enjoying yourself. And if W comes thru, great. If not, let her brood by herself while you and D have a great time and make great memories. Don't waste any more time... enjoy each day for what it is!
Plan on having a great time. I hope it's wonderfuL!
well here's the update. Spouse was home and not glued to the computer every night this week. I dared to hope (first mistake)
Whatsis, our refrigerator tale has been a screwup from the get go. So today the store calls with yet another glitch. I tell spouse (she's at work)and she goes ballistic and later calls me back to say she has called the store and we can go in tomorrow and fix the sitch. I suggested we go today when she got off work (my way of seeing if she had "plans" tonight) She agreed we would go when she got home. So we did and she stepped up and took care of the whole thing, which is unusual as she is usually talking in my ear while expecting me to handle this type of problem. So on the way home I ask if she wants to get dinner while we are out? No she ate leftovers at home, she wants to get home and take a shower. (hmmmmmmmm there is a clue there).
ok, we go home, I go to SIL to have dinner with D. Spouse shows up to visit and I decided to go ride my bike before dark. I ride about 45 minutes and just after I get home the phone rings. I didn't pick up. "I just wanted to tell you that I won't be home tonight, I'll be home in the morning before work. I hope you have a good evening."
WTF? "I hope you have a good evening?" Is honesty beyond your realm dear? Translation: "I feel GUILTY for my HORRIFIC behavior so I hope you have a good evening because then I WON"T FEEL SO BAD!" jeeze!!!
For me one of the most hurtful things is I made her lunch for her last night and left it on her car. I used to do that when we were dating and last night I was feeling particularly daring so I whipped up a lunch and left her a note saying "be sure to look on your car, for old times sake". Now I feel I might have said "I'm an idiot and proof is on your car". I'm just pissed that once again I invested emotionally and got slapped. And, oh joy, tomorrow we are all going for an extended family celebration for my birthday. GRRRRRR>>>>>>>
"Other than that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?"
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
I actually had the thought the other day that there ARE people in the world who would be glad to have me for ME. They aren't beating my door down right now but they exist!
Do you ever wonder if you will ever get to say the many things that you have wished you could?
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
