Go here and read. You'll note that the basic fear of the type 4 is:

Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance
Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an identity)


Quoting you:

I honestly think I have lost myself along the way--suppressed my true self.

You're fine... just a perfectly normal 4. \:\)

Some Enneagram books call the 4 The Artist or The Romantic. The 5 is usually The Scientist or The Investigator. On this board, cobra is a 5; NJ and I are 4's. Karen is a 3. Mojo is a 7.

One of the things about the 4 that I really relate to is that the 4 usually did not bond with either parent.



Read up on the 5, since that's what cac is.

Also on this site, you can read about compatibilities between types. Here is the 4 with 5 pairing.

An excerpt:

Potential Trouble Spots or Issues of the 4/5 relationship:
The greatest area for discord in a Four/Five pairing is that Fours are emotional types and tend to push for more contact and intimacy, sometimes becoming overly demanding, whereas Fives are thinking types and tend to push for more detachment and space in the relationship, sometimes becoming more reclusive and private. Fours can experience Fives as being too intellectual and feel that Fives are analyzing them rather than sympathizing with their emotional needs and states. They can also feel that Fives are unavailable and detached, uncaring and unresponsive to their needs in their relationship. Fours feel they can also be impractical and take too long to respond when a situation calls for action.

On the other hand, Fives can see Fours as bottomless pits of emotional needs who drain their time and energy. Fives also feel that Fours' emotionality reflects a lack of rationality or is a sign of immaturity that seems potentially dangerous and out of control.

Any of that fit?


The Enneagram is a fascinating way to look at personalities. Like most things, it's part nature and part nurture. There are many, many books on the subject. The best one (and I own dozens of them) is "The Wisdom of the Enneagram" by Riso and Hudson. There's also a lot on this site to explore. I think the Enneagram is much more useful than the Myers-Briggs typology.

___________________

P.S. I sing in a college choir every day-- have for six years.