I think I belong here.

[fearless]

He is depressed because of his marriage, not the other way around

I will not say that this isn't true for you, Cobra and others but I do not think there is one answer that applies to everyone. I would just encourage you to be open-minded about other possible issues when you look at others' stories. My xH now states that his unhappiness/depression came first and was about his own personal issues but it morphed very quickly into being all about me and the marriage. He did not know or believe that at the time. It's only something he realized later after going through counseling on his own.

Granted our issues were not about sex but there were similar comments - I did not "make" him happy, my unhappiness with work caused him to be unhappy, etc. He now tells me that it was all BS. The fact that he began an affair somewhere in there only made the issues worse. We began marriage counseling after we began a separation after 6+ months of difficult times (and after his affair started). He initiated the counseling. After I found out about the affair (4 months later), I asked why in the world he initiated the counseling while he was in an affair. He said that he was so absolutely sure that i was a horrible person and it was all my fault that he believed counseling would prove it. The fact that counseling didn't "show" that it was my fault was a very complicated problem for him.

Anyway, I just wanted to bring this up because I've seen similar things with a few other couples where one was so sure the other person was making them miserable that they left their spouse. Yet so far I have yet to see one of those people move on to happiness after leaving their spouse. So if the theory was true for them, the ending of the marriage should have "made" them happy.

I just mention this because it is difficult when people talk in absolutes. I wouldn't dare to assume that you, Cobra, etc. are incorrect in your evaluation of your marriage problems.