she makes herself sound worse than she is. Or maybe I just don't like seeing her throw herself on her sword...I dunno. It just doesn't seem as bad as all that. Its easy for a non-control freak to let a control freak take control. all those things just "aren't important" to me..."if it makes you happy, then fine; I really don't care one way or another." But it seems to me that it was *I* doing most of the "battle picking". To me, there isn't much worth of "breaking the peace".
Originally Posted By: Hairdog
Have you ever taken the Enneagram test? Hey, Lil! Do you think she is a Type 1, like Ms.Hdog? And what about cac4...is he a Type 6 like me?
I tested INTJ, which I believe equates to a "5". (hopeless). W is INFP...don't know what e-number that is.
Originally Posted By: Hairdog
...surely your c*ck's health provides the impetus?
haven't much needed it lately, to be honest. (well..except for just recently ). Seems to me, though, that I did see it mentioned somewhere that its "bad" for you. I'll have to see if I can go find that, whatever it was. {yelling over cubicles to the guys in the department:} "hey, what's this crap I hear about smoking being bad for ya?!?! have you heard THAT?!?!"
-Chuck, who's been completely in the dark for the last 40 years IRT smoking...
Its easy for a non-control freak to let a control freak take control. all those things just "aren't important" to me..."if it makes you happy, then fine; I really don't care one way or another." But it seems to me that it was *I* doing most of the "battle picking". To me, there isn't much worth of "breaking the peace".
Almost cracked my neck from vigorous nodding in agreement. Well, Chuck, I think it's time to check out the nicoderm patches. They helped me. It's the least you can do, now that you know your wife's desire wilts because of your ODOR!
yeah, well, its not news to me. I certainly don't blame her. I'm an intj-sarcastic AH, (as seen in my last reply)..did I mention also I have a thyroid condition, which makes me terminally fat and lazy, and I smell bad. Worse than elderberries. who wouldn't wanna just leap into the sack w/ me???!!!?? poor girl coulda done alot better. It ain't her fault.
she makes herself sound worse than she is. Or maybe I just don't like seeing her throw herself on her sword...I dunno. It just doesn't seem as bad as all that.
:-*
I know it may sound like I'm being harsh with myself, but aside from feeling sorry for hurting you, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I always thought that being a control freak was *who I am*, but now I'm starting to see a different person emerging, and one that I like a lot better. I wrote all this with detachment; almost as if I was writing about someone else that doesn't matter to me at all. Am I making any sense at all? Maybe this explains why hippies have always fascinated me...
Several quotes from this board that really stood out to me: "Nothing anyone does is ever about you." "All feelings are self-imposed." "When you think everything is someone else's fault, you will suffer a lot. When you realize that everything springs only from yourself, you will learn both peace and joy." --Dalai Lama
I realized I had to stop taking things personally and I actually seem to be doing it!
it seems to me that it was *I* doing most of the "battle picking"
Hmm...interesting...I can see that...
I tested INTJ, which I believe equates to a "5". (hopeless).
From personalitypage.com:
INTJs have a tremendous amount of ability to accomplish great things. They have insight into the Big Picture, and are driven to synthesize their concepts into solid plans of action. Their reasoning skills gives them the means to accomplish that. INTJs are most always highly competent people, and will not have a problem meeting their career or education goals. They have the capability to make great strides in these arenas. On a personal level, the INTJ who practices tolerances and puts effort into effectively communicating their insights to others has everything in his or her power to lead a rich and rewarding life.
Not hopeless at all.
Seems to me, though, that I did see it mentioned somewhere that its "bad" for you. I'll have to see if I can go find that, whatever it was. {yelling over cubicles to the guys in the department:} "hey, what's this crap I hear about smoking being bad for ya?!?! have you heard THAT?!?!"
This is simply not true. You're selling yourself way too short. And don't argue with me on this, because it won't work. Not even your impressive logic and reason can convince me.
Sad to see you write this, because I have spent much our our M thinking the same thing about myself. (that you coulda done a lot better).
He's got in his head that I hate him, and no matter how I try to approach him his dander gets up and it ends up confrontational.
If you were very critical of him, then he probably feels that you don't love him FOR WHO HE IS. On a conscious level, I knew that my mother didn't "hate" me, but I never felt that she loved me or even liked me some times. She was very critical because that's the way she is, but even more so because I wasn't like her.
I have more thoughts I'll write later.
Mrs.CaC4, Thanks. I'm looking forward to your added thoughts. In the mean time, I am still working on not being grumpy/moody (hard to do at times when I've been turned down for nookie for several weeks), and trying to be less critical/controlling.
If you're unhappy with the discipline methods you automatically use (yelling, criticizing, spanking, nagging, threatening, bribing or punishing), and you too often find yourself talking carelessly to those you care the most about, we're confident that our book can help you find some alternatives. We believe that inorder to change your child's behavior, often you'll have to change yours first! Effective communication is the key to solving problems.
You are your child's first teacher, and in the early years you really can help form his or her conscience and ability to self-discipline.
...the most important lessons are taught by modeling the desired behavior for your own children, as well as expressing your own feelings appropriately.
...discipline....is based on unconditional love and firm limits, permissive with feelings but strict with behavior, with the goal of keeping the child's dignity and self-esteem intact.
...healthy family units are the primary building blocks for a healthy society. A family provides a child with his first feelings of belonging and acceptance, as well as lifelong relationships....the family is the first place where children learn to control their impulses and live with respect and love for others.
...all successful family units serve as a never-ending source of unconditional love, understanding, and encouragement. During the early years, within this nurturing environment, needs are met, feelings are validated, a sense of humor is shared, and lessons are learned..
....discipline is based on unconditional love and firm limits, permissive with feelings but strict with behavior, with the goal of keeping the child's dignity and self-esteem intact.
Punishment is a type of consequence in which injury is inflicted or a penalty is imposed in order to cause the offender loss or pain. An angry parent who chooses, in the heat of the moment, to punish a child as a consequence of his bad behavior often seems to have the intention of "getting even." Kids often respond with their own feelings of revenge, not remorse, thereby perpetuating the negative behavior. ******** I have to go back and read up on your sitch again...
cac wrote W is INFP...don't know what e-number that is
Yup. Just what I thought: a 4.
I'm also an INFP.
Mrs. CAC- are beauty and orderliness in your surroundings important to you-- aesthetics? Do you practice some kind of art (writing, painting, music)? What's your favorite movie? Wuthering Heights?
Regarding your oldest son, I think the best thing you could do is to take responsibility for your behavior toward him. Tell him you realize that you made mistakes, that you didn't treat him with respect. Tell him you're sorry you hurt him. Tell him you want to do better with the younger kids and you're going to do some reading up on it. This is the kind of stuff I'd say.
Then show him and the other kids that you mean it through your actions. If you slip up, acknowledge it and try again. This demonstrates that you're not perfect and you don't expect them to be either. They will learn from your example.
It would have made such a difference when I was younger if my mother had acknowledged what she did. She made excuses and always was very defensive. She seemed to find it next to impossible to admit making any mistakes about anything.
).
Maybe this explains why hippies have always fascinated me...
