Thank you Lisa for responding to my post. I also just read your old post (again, again). It's so interesting to note the similarities of situations where the H's left who were "madly in love" with their W's, but we "pushed them away". They would buy us gifts, maybe not the ones we wanted, they would call, maybe not at the right time, they would take the kids somewhere, but give us time to be alone. They "felt" they gave, they did give, but we wanted an apple when they gave us a bushel of oranges. When they leave, shock, devastation, ANGER, jealousy, and then the old "just see if you can find someone better than me". Unfortunately, I think what love is about is perceptions; if we offer a smile to something they are doing, or any positive response, they feel better, they in turn do more for us. And yes, it's not always what we want, but don't we really want someone to "care" for us. They can do it their way. And yes, previously I thought we had NO problems, accepted the fact that I would be in this rather boring M forever, not trying to make it any better or different, trying to make H happy, doing my own things. So I know I really blew by in the M, not going in the least bit out of my way to show him, tell him that I loved him. And we can't turn back time, can we? But still my question remains, how to "not pursue" and "go out of my way to show him love". Aren't those diametrically opposed? Or maybe you don't believe in the "no pursuit" theory. Thanks Sarah
