I went through the same thing with eating. I had always tended to eat low-fat foods, but started upping my fat intake to put the weight back on. I'm now realizing that that's no longer necessary!!
Re. the Conway call: I emailed a short version of my sitch with five main questions, as suggested by his assistant. I still ended up on the phone for 40 mins instead of my planned 25, but at least I got through my questions. I did actually cut him off a couple of times when he started talking about stuff I already knew. I felt a bit rude, but he didn't seem to mind.
AMD -
I didn't ask him about DB. I meant to, but other things took precedence and I forgot. However, judging from what we talked about, the two do seem compatible.
Rick Warren wrote a book called The Purpose Filled Life, which has exercises to do at the end of each short chapter. I read the book all at once, and am now rereading it and working on the exercises.
David -
Thanks for clarifying that link. You are much more up on Conway's work than I am, not having read his books. He did give me hope in the sense that there are a number of positive signs, but he also said that if my H turned to God, that would make things go a whole lot faster. I do pray for that, but I'm not sure it's working. His heart is not open to God, unfortunately.
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but do not assume, either positively or negatively, that your situation will turn out the same.
So true. I find it very easy to ASSume that my M will end in D, even though there is no clear indication of that. But it happens to so many people, that it's hard for me to get away from it.
Thanks for stopping by!
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Re. the Conway call: I emailed a short version of my sitch with five main questions, as suggested by his assistant. I still ended up on the phone for 40 mins instead of my planned 25, but at least I got through my questions. I did actually cut him off a couple of times when he started talking about stuff I already knew. I felt a bit rude, but he didn't seem to mind.
Nicola,
Hmm, I don't think I did an email with 5 questions... that's a good idea. I also was not a good interupter... probably because I was not sure what I wanted from the call.
I have read the books and they are great, esp: When A Mate Wants Out.
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
So true. I find it very easy to ASSume that my M will end in D, even though there is no clear indication of that.
You have communication and interaction, therefore you have much hope.
Some us have no communication at all.
No, things are not the way you want them to be, but it's imperative that you see the positive signs. If Jim says there are positive signs, they are there. Trust me. I see them too, as do many people here.
Your H is there to see your improvements and changes. He can directly monitor your improvement and be affected by it. You have mutual friends and family who can also see this.
You have great hope, 'did ye but know.'
Hope is the foundation of this journey. Hold fast to it, and 'trust the process.'
Love,
David
The fires of true love can never be quenched, because the source of its flame is God Himself! - Shulamith
I remember a few months ago when you just wanted to give up. We agreed that you would take it a few months at a time and re-assess at that time. Since then, I do see a lot of positives in your sitch and in your interactions with your H. Yes there will be times when he will withdraw because he is scared and confused but you know this so don't let it affect you. When you see this happening, pull back a little. Remember to follow his lead.
I do agree that H is watching and observing so Girl, you do your thing because I have faith in your sitch. If there was OW, I think he would be acting differently, uncaring and ultra selfish as is in Christy's case or mine. I do think it may still be about 6 - 12 months away but patience is a virtue and if you've made it this far, you can do this. Don't look at the long-term goals, make short ones, 2 - 3 month intervals.
I think small doses of "together" or "family time" is what works right now. When he's not around, it sounds like you have so much going on to keep yourself active and busy so use that time for yourself and the kids. I love your goals and isn't it great how easy it is to use colours now.
Anyways Sweetie, if I can still hold onto hope with no contact with my H, YOU certainly can because the positives are so obvious to us. Remember though not to set expectations but rather continue to note those baby steps.
Ok, another late night as I try to catch up with everyone but I need to get some shuteye.
Much love,
Me: 49 - S22 & S26 H: 41 - No kids M: 10/00 Bomb New Year's Day 2006 H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07 D final 07/07 Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
I have not felt like updating my thread, but I see it's been two weeks. I am spending much less time here, and it's been good for me. I can see that it's something I need to do. I have still been too focused on H, which is so easy to do when we see each other 3x a week.
Things are very good with me. I have ups and downs, but generally am up. My downs are usually not R-related, but b/c I am stressed with work, kids, home. I am finding it very difficult to keep up with housework, so I am looking for someone to clean. I've not had much luck in that area in the past b/c I'm quite fussy, but I've found a cleaning service that seems good.
Other than that, marking has really begun, and will continue now till the end of term in mid-May. We don't get a spring break. I am off today, and planned to get a lot of work done, but the kids have a snow day! First one ever for D10, who is in grade 4. The fighting has already begun.
My wine course is going well, but is almost done. When it's over, I will go back to choir. I'm doing yoga regularly again, and it's great.
I found out that my doggie has a heart murmer. Unfortunately, I never go insurance for her b/c it's very costly ($35/month), so now they won't cover anything to do with that. But her condition is not as bad as I thought, so far: She had an X-ray yesterday that looks good, and will see a cardiologist(!) for an ultrasound in three weeks. Her heart is not enlarged, so that's a good sign.
As for H, things are going fine. I have found that the less I post, the better things are. When I read all the sad stories here on the bb (not just this forum), I tend to feel despairing and negative, and I think that affects our interactions. I had a really bad day on Monday--one of those Murphy's Law days--and was lying in bed crying about it, but too tired to post anything. Later in the night, I finally realized that H and I had had a good interaction (he had crossed the street to say hello with a big smile on his face), but it had gone sour when I asked him about his court case, and he couldn't get away fast enough. I had only remembered the last bit, but needed to get my head out of my butt long enough to really see what happened.
I realize that I don't ride these waves well when I write too much about the day-to-day happenings. Also, I really need to focus on my work, which has suffered over the last year and a half.
So, really, nothing much to say. I'm doing well, just taking care of myself.
I'm still checking in on others, but just don't post every day.
Lots of love, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Nicola, sorry about your doggie. I lost my 'best' helper last summer, it still hurts. I have other faithful dogs but each one is so different. I was walking the other night, one came with me and I just had such an urge...I called him over and gave him a big hug and said ILY. I wonder what would happen if I did that to H!
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When I read all the sad stories here on the bb (not just this forum), I tend to feel despairing and negative, and I think that affects our interactions.
There tends to be flow and flux and it's easy to get sucked in. No offense to anyone here, but that's why I chose Hopefulnes forum to lay myself out.
Glad to hear an update, that you can refocus when your butt is empty, and that you're doing well.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Can you please give your doggie a smooch from me, and my doggie.!
I left the board for a long while too, I needed to refocus on me, and my situation. The stories here now, make me sad, b/c I wish it wasn't happening, but it does not make my situation any worse anymore. Did that make sense?
Isn't the wine class do great, YUMMY!
And you are taking yoga too? Gosh why am I the only one that hates it? (sigh)
