I understand your confusion. She (DB coach) actually tells me both in the same conversation: "act as if" and "kick her ass and say so what? Too damned bad!" I can only presume that the purpose is to make clear that this is a temporary situation, not going to be tolerated forever, and "act as if" shows how enticing you are and that you have not given up, or written spouse off. I know I worry that my spouse will decide I have given up. I had an opportunity to clarify my position the other night:
spouse asked me if I would be "happier" if she left. I said "no" and she asked how I knew that? Had to think but I came up with "I don't know, I believe" Then I said I wanted to make it clear that my desires have not changed one iota. I don't get/make that opportunity often.
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
