Nicola, sorry about your doggie. I lost my 'best' helper last summer, it still hurts. I have other faithful dogs but each one is so different. I was walking the other night, one came with me and I just had such an urge...I called him over and gave him a big hug and said ILY. I wonder what would happen if I did that to H!
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When I read all the sad stories here on the bb (not just this forum), I tend to feel despairing and negative, and I think that affects our interactions.
There tends to be flow and flux and it's easy to get sucked in. No offense to anyone here, but that's why I chose Hopefulnes forum to lay myself out.

Glad to hear an update, that you can refocus when your butt is empty, and that you're doing well.

Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.