eeek the worst vice is advise. worse even the Mojo teasing the animals with her visualizations.
Hi heather.
I think you are doing very very good.
How you are handling situations and your H's mood swings. Very good. Nice job.
You are noticing the small changes. Dont just brush past them. Dont forget to appreciate them. It may seem like crawling baby steps, but they are huge. Its not to be immediately discarded and focus on the next 'must'. If you make it thru this, you will have earned the 'Patience of Job' award. Why does the convo have to happen this weekend? Why cant it sit for a week? When he is argumentative you dont have to take it as a no, just listen. Repeat to him, 'this is something I would like to try out with you, together'.
'H, we've been together for 15 years and you've never asked anything of me? Is that the kind of R we want, one in which we never ask anything of one another?' He said 'I'm just not like that, I don't ask anything of you'.
you need to think about this. there are many facets to this. here are two. one, you Want him to ask things of you. Tell him that. two, He does ask things of you when he asks you to stay without compromising about your needs. It may be silent, but its still expectation. Dont let P/A get you. Bring it out in the open.
Everytime you are intimate, whether its physical or emotional, its going to be followed by a withdrawal. You both do it, but you become panicked and barely control yourself when he does likewise. Learn this fact. accept it. deal with it. You guys have close to zero intimacy so the withdrawal is going to be very pronounced, and noticable. This is a new R, as long as you keep acting in this new differant manner. If you revert, so will he. He is entering conflict with you. Know you guys just have to both learn to handle it, and be respectful.
But this has GOT to be addressed. We need to have another discussion this weekend and I could sure use some assistance with putting my thoughts together. I get so overwhelmed by his reactions to things that I don't even know where to start!
Your funny. You can always make me laugh. Keep up the good work.
