HELP FOR A NEWBIE TO PIECING ASAP, PLEASE!!!!

[Just_Me]

Wow, talk about a mega-post! I'll try to rival it.

And so, it's more of the same. He isn't actually on the fence. He just doesn't want to make too big of waves. He's concerned if you get mad enough that the business could end up with you...or broken up and the gravy train ends. He's keeping a little lifeline also in case things with OW don't work out. Enough excuses for him!

What I need to do now is to figure out what to do to have the best chance of him recommitting. Suggestions?

I've tried. Hopefully someone else will chime in and give you advice you like. 2940831, every action, every time you ask, "are we okay", every time you accept unfeeling and uncaring actions, you are saying, "I'm desperate for you".

Do I want to give this everything I can and am to make it work? Completely. If that means going through this horrible pain with an outcome of reconciliation and happiness with this man,

Yes, you want the marriage to work. Most everyone on here does. And you are going about it all wrong. Where is your own life? What are you doing for you? Why do you have his footprints on your back from being used as a doormat. Your actions and lack of an independent life are very unattractive and very unlikely to reap any success for you. You know how you aren't supposed to believe anything your WAS says? That goes for the positives as well, especially with a guy. Your husband is feeding you what you want to hear, "I want to work on the marriage. I'm okay with us. I just need time, but we'll be together". Yada yada yada...bs..bs...bs

MY SUGGESTIONS: Since you want to be in the same house as him you need a plan. My plan for you, take it or leave it, is to GET A LIFE!! Today, tomorrow, the next day, start lining up things that you are going to do without him. Start reconnecting with friends. If you don't have any, find somewhere that you can find some (church group, whatever). Go out. Catch dinner with a friend, your neighbor. Go to a movie. Go to the bar. I don't care....just get out. Take classes at a local college, if there is one. If nothing else, go shopping for some new outfits. And for God's sake, be gone when he gets home.

The second part is to be friendly, but aloof. Do not sit down and talk to him. Don't go out of your way for him. Do not make him his favorite dinner, or frankly make one at all. Go eat with someone else. Take a moment to stop and smell the flowers. Flirt with the male clerk a bit. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile. Smile at someone you see on the street and get a smile back. Say hi to strangers. Pay for the coffee of the person behind you at starbucks and make his/her day...even if your H is with you. Be nutty. Be silly. Be giggly.

A big mistake you made was that you indicated that you wanted " I want to make each other happy" which is a fallacy. You can make you happy...he can't and it isn't his responsibility. And it isn't yours to make him happy. You can do nice things to brighten his day, but it's up to him to decide whether he's happy.

Do these things and one of two things will happen. A) he'll want to share this life with you or B)he won't, but you won't care because you'll be pleased with your life.

Tomorrow, post about what your plans are. Don't write one single word about what your H is doing. His life is uninteresting to us and frankly he's giving men a bad name and making me sick. I can't speak for everyone on this site, but I don't want to hear how he is/was a great guy because I don't buy it. He should prove it to you, and I don't think that's happening. I want to hear how you are a great lady and what you are doing to make your life better. Okay? Just for a day or two don't tell us about his messed up life?