I think if that is brought up in MC, you are trying to control her thoughts. You need to stop trying to control her thoughts and focus on making her believe she wants to be with you. That is with action, and not words. If the MC wants to bring it up, O.K., but you should not try to push her into thinking a certain way. Thats what you are trying to to. Put out an idea, and get another person to change her way of thinking. Would you want her to do that to you. Try to put in your head that you two should not be together. Then the MC agrees and reinforces the idea. Just give her some space and some time.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
Ok, I'm going to follow your advice, guys. We live in southern Maine and I'm restoring a car that's in Massachusetts, about a 2 hour drive from us. I'm going there on saturday to work on my car for the first time since this happened. I haven't wanted to go for fear that she would see OM knowing I'm so far away. I have to believe that she has nothing to do with him anymore, she swears to me she doesn't. I asked her very innocently what her plans are for saturday, she said she didn't know. I'm VERY nervous about being so far away.
You can't stop it anyway. It's part of the GAL. You need to do things and not try to control the A. If you try to control if she sees OM, then you are suffocating her. You would be right up her a$$ all the time and I think they call those hemmroids.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
As far as I know from what she's told me, and I HAVE to believe her, there is no more A. I just don't want to give her the opportunity to contact OM in a moment of weakness. I know, I can't control what she does, and if she wants to contact him, she'll find a way. I've been on really good behavior as of late. I haven't asked her anything about him in a couple weeks. We haven't really talked about the relationship lately either. GAL will make me more attractive to her? She literally has NO friends that she hangs out with. I'm serious. The only person she spends time out with besides me is her mom. She says she misses talking with OM when it comes up.
grieving statement. So let her be, and maybe she will take the opportunity to find new friends. That would be a good start for her.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
Listen, my W is not "seeing" OM either, and I believe her, but I also believe, and know for a fact, that she still has feelings for OM. OK, NOTHING we can do to change that. She will need to process those feelings out, so yes, GAL will make you a little more attractive to her, especially if you are upbeat about everything and not so worrisome. I fell into that trap myself, and it got me back to square one.
I wish I would have followed all the advice given to me to a T instead of learning the HARD WAY!
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
Thanks for listening and trying to help me guys. I know there's nothing I can do to change her feelings for OM, and I'm trying to give her time to do that. I'm getting better about not worrying as much. I was really proud of myself wednesday night. She was working with OM, they were closing the store together. She called me at 6:10 to tell me she was leaving in 10 minutes. I was pacing back and forth in the apartment at 7:00. I wanted to call her so bad, but I didn't. I held out until 7:05 when she pulled in the driveway. I felt like I really made great strides that night!
Good for you, it's called checking up on her if you would have called. Not attractive. You need time yourself, you need to rethink your ways and set goals of what you want. Focus on yourself, instead of pacing, you should have been reading the infidelity chapter. Or reading anything to keep your mind off of her being late.
A positive: you didn't accuse her of anything.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
