But with H's erratic behavior, resentement built and I had more anger and wanted him to just go away when he approached me. Sorry, just being honest.
When you need something that you feel is very important, even critical, and are denied it, how do you feel? Do you get angry, then a little desperate, and finally even anxious or panicky? Is that not a typical reaction of human beings? Could it be that the behavior your H displays is a sign of how important it is for him to feel bonded and connected to you?
Have you tried to put yourself in his shoes? That is not easy to do if you do not know how men think and react. Your H is not you. I strongly suggest you pick up Dr. Laura’s book to understand the mind of men. You do not have to agree with how they think, just accept it. We do not need to agree with how women think, but we must deal with it so we must accept it. Your H has had to accept your rejections even though he does not agree with it. How do think that makes him feel? Is it such a wonder he found comfort with someone else who accepted him?
I am NOT saying his actions were correct. But his emotions and feelings are typical, normal and to be expected. HIS problem is his own weakness, neediness and inability to express himself to you in a way that allows you two to connect.
Sex used to be enjoyable to me only sometimes. But most of the time, I just wanted to get it over with. But part of that was me not knowing what makes me tick and also that feeling of it being "wrong" becuase I wasn't married.
I assume you see that your views and reactions toward sex have to do with your own issues. Yet to avoid facing these issues, to avoid going into yourself to see what it was that made you feel guilty, you punished him instead and avoided your own pain. Again, how do you think that makes him feel?
You have a lot of work in front of you. You will find the answers you need here. Give us more information concerning FOO for both you and your H.
