LL - just got caught up and am sorry that your weekend stunk. But vent here all you want - we'll listen because we care about you, your kids - heck, even that buttheaded H of yours.
Well I still need to work on those New Year's resolutions - have you given any thoughts on what yours will be?
h is apparently just a peace maker...he just wants to go with the flow...let's people do what they want..ie bil sending his w along to the game when he can't go...I'd think most men would say wtf dude..I don't want to sit with your w..let me buy you out if you can't make it to that game...but no h keeps the peace and let's bil do as he pleases...and in turn aggrivates me cause if I am not there neither should little miss priss sitting with my h.
but anyway...is a dead issue...h's family will always do things that annoy the living hell out of me...and h will always just let it be so....it is not just me because whenever I mention misc. things to others they are like OMG!! let's just say my name should be debra and h should be raymond...k...only my life is a bit worse than that as there are more of them and h doesn't stick up for me.
so h has just acted like the argument never happend. and that is that...whatever I guess there is nothing I can do about it now...unless of course to suggest I buy the other seat next year for myself and on occasion not go so that bil can go...what do ya think of that??? I think it's a great idea..but doubt it would fly with h or bil.
so h reminded me that we are supposed to go to the movies tonight....wow...I forgot..he remembered...think that's his little way of making up for things???
I don't know...maybe someday I'll figure it out..I am just tired of always feeling like everything is my fault..I think most of the stuff I get aggrivated at is justified..don't you???
Wow, does this all ever sound familiar! My H puts everybody before me as well, lies to me about stupid things so that he doesn't have to hear it from me and makes everything seem as if it's my fault. If it's any consolation, I used to react the same way. I say used to b/c H has been gone 7.5 months. I don't really have any advice since I have never been able to figure out a solution to it myself. I tried everything from yelling to speaking to him calmly. Definitely communication problems though, do you guys go to a C and if not, would he ever consider going?? Actually, one thing that helped a bit was to not offer an opinion when my H said something b/c I think he saw that as my being critical and since he was afraid of my criticism, he wouldn't tell me certain things.
Quote: so h reminded me that we are supposed to go to the movies tonight....wow...I forgot..he remembered...think that's his little way of making up for things???
I think so and it's so small that it's easy to overlook.
thanks for stopping by milena, I think I will take h's remembering the movie and reminding me as an attempted appology or ice breaker or ya get the point.
so today h is good h. sometimes I am reluctant to tell h how I am feeling...it is winter and I am slightly depressed as a result. because of all this mess that has happend I don't often tell him becuase I don't want to put pressure on him..but I should be able to let h know how I am feeling, also it may help him to know that my sometimes bummy moods are not all about him. so today when h called I did let him know i was a bit down..that I just don't like winter..h agreed that it effects a lot of people. I expressed that it is not as bad if I get out and go skiing or something.
here's the good h part. said maybe next week if we can get someone to watch the kids we'll get away for a couple days and go skiing.
I really need a get away, was thinking of just going alone, but to go with h would be even better!!!
Sorry to hear about the game and SIL going instead of you. That would definitely irritate me, especially if it was being withheld from me and H knew I wanted to go. I completely understand you being angry.
I (think)I read so much animosity in your post about H spending Sunday watching football. You seem very bitter over that, which I can relate. H's weekends (before he had to take a restaurant job temporarily) were filled mostly by VB and Football. It is a pain when they are consumed with other things besides us and the family, but that's where resentment on our part comes in. We need to curb that. You need to find something fun to do with a friends or family w/your kids and sometimes without if you can manage a sitter on Sundays. You also need to tell your H he needs Saturday duty at least every other week so you can do your thing. H needs to do his part and you need your free time. Find something to do.
Quote: ...know it's him anyway (who calls me?)
It seems like although I know you are very independent, you still rely somewhat on H for company and entertainment? I relate to that to. I can hear myself in your post. I know you moved further from friends and family but do you have anyone you can hang out with? You need a social life of your own and you need to commit time to it. Can you find a teenage sitter that you can pay reasonably when H is not available? That has been my saving grace, a teenage sitter! You said you've been able to spend money easier now right? A sitter is WELL worth the money.
I might be off base, but just seems like you've made H your focus and center, you need to redirect your focus and center on you.
I know communication is a core issue. Same with me and my H. We HAVE to learn to express ourselves and ask for what we want. I'm not very good at it either. I too feel it gets interpreted as me complaining and it gets tense. But we need to keep at it. I think it will get better with time. Just keep trying.
Hope you have a nice time at the movies and things can get worked out.
Yo LL! Just got updated on your sitch. Wow, lot's of stuff.
Hmmm...you know, if I didn't know it any better, I'd think your H is related to RJJ's H. I jest...
In any case, I can only imagine your frustration. He seems so...what's the word I'm looking for...sedate? I'm new at this W kind of giving back to the M thing, but I don't feel like I'd hesitate to ask for what I need. As far as I'm concerned, I deserve a little a$$ kissing, and I'm sure you feel the same way.
Have you ever asked that he read anything to understand how you feel about his EA? It seems he needs to get a little perspective on how you are feeling... Did you ever just tell him that because of his EA it makes you uncomfortable that he go to the football game with this woman? You're blunt on the board, but do you walk on eggshells a lot at home, and don't communicate to him what you really want or expect...especially after some of the damage done?
I have to agree with Laney about asking to trade off every other Saturday or something. I know his job is demanding, so it might be difficult (I used to live in AK and know how the plowing things goes). But, then again, maybe make him promise to give you one day every two weeks or something.
Just some random thoughts I wanted to throw out there. BTW, great on remembering the movie date and mentioning a ski trip. Does he get a little love bank credit?
Thanks very much for coming by my thread. I really very much appreciate it, LL.
Hey LL. I had another alien encounter yesterday. The SAM stopped by. I thought you might like to come read about it and get a few laughs. I'd also like to see if your H exhibited this same behavior before he decided to come home.
Thanks! I'll check in later and catch up on you. Hope you are doing well.
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Wish you a very happy new year and thank you for all of your support! Don't give up your effort to win your H back. You have an upper hand now compared to aliens now with your H. Just know what is the right thing to do for your R without letting your insecurity creeping up and destroy your effort.
I am look forward to getting together with you all next time. I'll make sure not to call your house too late, though.
But vent here all you want - we'll listen because we care about you, your kids - heck, even that buttheaded H of yours. 
