He said he's seeing someone new

[Ophelia]

Thanks for stopping by, S4N. Sometimes I feel like the only child-less member on here, so it's nice to bump into another one.

O, I can see in your post that you can forgive and I don't know how it all works in Australia but hang in there and most importantly KEEP YOUR DIGNITY...save all the other stuff that you need to get out for your Amy punching bag

I gave the punching bag a good serve today. Felt rather awesome I must say. Looks like I've got a bit of a bruise coming up on one knuckle to prove it, (and that was with the punching bag gloves, so I guess I musta got a few really hard hits in).

I really do want to keep my dignity and integrity intact. I did my fair share of begging in the beginning, and I don't want to go back to that, and I guess asking in any way, shape or form for more info from H will be seen as desperate, begging behaviour.

As for how things work here, you can't file for D until you've been separated for 12 months, so H can't file before Oct 3rd. I think that once you do file, it's all finalised pretty much straight away though. Seeing as how he can't D me til Oct, he's getting a property settlement instead, (which can actually be filed up to 12 months after a couple is officially D). It's the closest thing he can get to being legally D from me for now, and if he can make himself feel like he's legally D from me, then he won't have to feel in the least bit guilty about OW. He already maintains that it's not an A, because as far as he's concerned, we're already D.

You are right about not being able to see both sides until you find yourself in the middle of it. I have always valued my honesty, but as you can see, I did not work hard enough to uphold it.

Yep, you just never know how you'll act or react. I know that H never would have seen himself doing what he is now. When his father had the A he pretty much wanted to kill him and told me that if he ever started acting like his father in any way that I should kick his arse for it and pull him back into line. And yet, here we are, H doing just what his father did.

No matter what, I believe he is confused, feeling guilty, and must be upset with himself. It is just easier to believe you made him the way he is so he is directing all of that towards you. The letter could help in diffusing some of that.

That's what I'm hoping. If he realises that I don't have to be the enemy, then he won't feel the need to fight against me. Maybe. Hopefully. Perhaps.

Thanks both of you for the advice. I think I will send him that forgiveness letter, it's just a matter of making sure I word it the right way.

I saw my sister last night and told her about the big "Amy" reveal. S isn't happy. In fact, she's super pissed off at H. She basically sees his betrayal of me as a betrayal of the whole family, herself included, so she'd love a little bit of personal revenge. She was contemplating ways she could track down this "Amy" and give her a piece of her mind. I explained to her how that wouldn't have a positive result, and in fact would only end up pushing H and OW closer together because he'll feel like he has to defend her when she goes crying to him about it. S agreed that it wasn't actually a good idea, but still said that she wished there was something she could do which wouldn't screw things up any worse for me. Don't we all wish there was something we could do which wouldn't just screw things up even worse? *sigh*