he'd get a reaction regardless and he is right in that but if he had told me my reaction would have been dissapointment but not so much at him as at the fact that I once again don't get to go to the game...
the only thing I can do is say nothing...saying it sweetly still doesn't get it done...I did not ask him with anger only asked matter of factly .."how did sil end up at the game?" and on comes the defensive attitude..I am at fault for falling into the trap of his defensive attitude raising anger in me..I react to it...all these years I have been accused of yelling at him and being the "bitch" I am now realizing that it is him...he raises his voice to me...difference is he is a man with a mans voice so it does not sound like yelling but it clearly is...he interupts me when I talk...I raise my voice more and get angry to be heard...and on and on it goes from there....h has all along blamed me...and I am realizing that honey it aint me....i can be accused of some things...like gee wanting to spend time with him...wanting to know about his life...wanting to have a real r with him...
the only way i will be able to have a "peacefull" r with h is to just not expect anything from him...keep my mouth shut when something bothers me. don't bother to ask for what I want cause all that tells him is that what he's doing isn't enough. guess I should have just taken his mothers advice long ago and just go out and spend his money...it seems to be the only part of him that I am garunteed..and in light of all the crap that has happened over the past year I have a bit more freedom with how I spend it to boot...ie (I went out one sunday and bought a 200$ peice of furniture without asking brought it home and h said nothing, in the past I would have asked before I'd spend 70$ on a pic for the wall and that was even back when I to was working)
gee great..just tuned into the game again..and the pats won in overtime....tra la la ...I am a sunday widow and my children are fatherless on sundays....oh how I am looking forward to feb when football is over and sundays can go back to the way they were over the summer!!!
still don't know if h will come home tonight...as he left here at 9 this am and I haven't heard from him and doubt I will till at least the other team that has to loose to let the pats win the devision has played...maybe h will get drunk celebrating and won't come home. wish I could have my own appartment to run to when I feel like it.
