Thank you all for checking in on me and for your support. Thanks for my old thread ST_IMI
H is out of country (his home) right now for a family funeral. He's been sad and seems to have wanted some sort of support from me. I'm not sure, but I think because I am the only one here in the US that knows his family and maybe he's missing that connection. Or, maybe he just wants sympathy from wherever he can get it.
I am slowly moving forward, inch by inch. I finally spent the money on a professional hair-cut, color, etc. It had been a long time and my self-esteem was suffering. I'm feeling pretty happy with myself (inside and out), but still grieving my marriage. I wonder how long it will take for me to truly let go.
I miss H, but when I fantasize about the possibility of him coming back I just can't imagine how we'd ever be able to start over and heal from all the pain and betrayal that has happened over the past 18 mos. Again, it would truly take a miracle for that to happen. But so far, I still would be open to that possibility. Is that crazy? He has done so many hurtful things.
Well, whatever happens in the end, I just pray I can be open someday to love again. I still can't imagine being with anyone else.
This weekend I will be with my S4.5 both days. I think it will be good for both of us to have that time. I sure do miss our "family days" w/ H though. It's tough when I see couples out w/ their kids. I'm happy for them, but it reminds me of when H and I used to take our S everywhere and do things as a family.
I wonder how H's trip to his parent's house will effect him. He hasn't seen them since all this happened. I wonder how his father will treat him. I wonder if his family will support his decision to leave me (can't imagine why they would) or if they will question him. It will be interesting to see what happens.
My job is very busy and I'm usually pretty exhausted at night these days, but I'll try to stay in touch.
My sitch: Me 40 H 30 M 8 yrs 1 S5.5 Bomb Oct 2005 Sep Nov 2005 H w/ Ow I filed for LS June 2007 H responded w/ D 2007 I have sole P custody, joint L Just need to take care of Final Judgement papers
