LL, I am very, very sorry for the bad day you had.

Quoting lostlove:
well I informed him that I will do no such thing...that marriage is over...h asked for it to be over when he walked out the door..


Was this the actual conversation you had? That sounded pretty bad, didn't it?

I can relate to your feelings of insecurity about your H going without letting you know what happend. This is inevitible given that he had breached your trust before.

On the other hand, what I thought happend was a communication break down, not necessarily that your H's mind is flying off to another woman.

I think you might understand how your H would misinterprete your intention that you would like to go to the game. Was it really expressed in a way so he can understand that your upset was not because of jealousy of another woman, but because of your insecurity and your interest to spend time together with him in a game you would be equally interesting to you? I am not sure if that message got across.

You know, after your M suffered a bomb and infidelity, it will take a while before both of you become fully committed and enjoying the new M. It also takes some time before both of you become used to a new communication patterns that would help you understand each other more. Looks like that the other couples on this BB that were reconciling all had to go through this honest discussion of what it means for you to become a couple again, and what behaviors you need to adopt to forge a new R. I think that your H may not 100% there yet, even though I saw a guy trying very hard to make amends. He probably just has not learned how to fulfill your emotional needs. On the other hand, I think you are also aware of some of your own behaviors that could be destructive to your M by pushing your H too much. I know it is hard to strike a balance given that you two have not communicated effectively that you can resolve this conflict. All I can say is that please be patient since your H has been trying. Think back for a year when you first pushed your H out the door, how things have become different. Give yourself some credit of the changes you made, as well as your H's willingness to come back taking care of you and your family. It takes some patience, and, God willing, his realization soon that he should stop going down cheeseless tunnels.

I think putting on ring for you was just a symbolism; what matters more was to find someone or something that could help you interact better, if that is available and your H is willing. If not, it would have to depend on you to play the changes and help change the dynamics in your R.

Hang in there. I know you can and you will save this M. It still takes time, but you will get there.

Chuck

BTW, looks like the Pats were gonna be out of playoff so your problem may avoided for the next few months...