Walking on eggshells, I am getting past it. Although ford's approach works as well, if not better. I have seen it posted elsewhere, in the begining we all suffer from paralysis by analysis. We focus so hard on what we do and what we say, and the impact that it may or may not have, that we lose sight of who we are and what we want.
As time goes on and we see little or no response to our efforts, or baby steps that frustrate us by how small and slow they are, we slowly arrive at a place where we start to say f*ck this sh!t, I am growing tired of this, I know I am a good person and I have done the best that I knew how to do.
We get to a place where we think to ourselves, I still love this person and want it to work, but at what cost?
True detachment is being able to be the people we want to be, and accepting the fact that our spouse may or may not like/enjoy/respond to who that is, but ultimately that is their problem not ours because we are satisfied with who we are or are working towards becoming.
In the past several days/weeks, I and my wife have had alot to think about. I can see her thinking and wondering, but I know in my heart of hearts that I can't answer those questions for her. I can be supportive, I can try to be a comfort, but the answers she seeks are hers to discover.
Theoden posted earlier about feeling as though he had to become this person that could be all things to his wife, until of course what that needed to be changed. To a point we can all see things about our lives that needed to change, and when we have made a good faith and honest effort to address those shortcomings, then we start to see that there has to be some effort on the part of our S.
I know that the idea of DB is that we can change the relationship on our own, and to a certain point we can, but at the end of the day it does indeed take two to tango, and it is only after we lose the fear of our dance partner walking off the floor that we can stop walking on eggshells and really start to explore the possibilities of a new relationship.
81388 Me 43, waw 44, 3 kids(D15,D12,S6)Married 19yr, together 27yr. Bomb 11/27/06, Separated 3/1/07 Divorce filed 4/18/07,
"Because it is in giving that we receive; In forgiving that we obtain forgiveness; In dying that we rise to eternal life" St. Francis
I have seen it posted elsewhere, in the begining we all suffer from paralysis by analysis. We focus so hard on what we do and what we say, and the impact that it may or may not have, that we lose sight of who we are and what we want.
