Paul, Thank you for reminding us how much pain the MLCers are actually in. I am sure it is painful for you to rehash those childhood memories but I agree, I think it helps you heal to talk about it.
If you don't mind I would like to share with you and other's here to also help remind people what these MLCers had to deal with so long ago. I am sorry if this seems long.
My H has also had a very tough childhood. His father was killed by a drunk driver when he was 5 years old. From there his mother seemed to go down hill. She got married again a couple of years later to someone who ended up being verbally abusive to my H and his younger sister. She was D from him within months of marrying him.
His mother than got remarried to another man. She had 4 kids with him. From what my H had told me was he was a wonderful stepfather at first and my H was happy to finally have a father figure in his life. His stepfather unfortunately had a drug problem family and eventually the stepfather started using himself. He became verbally and physically abusive to my H and his mother. He was a very violent man and very into drugs and alcohol. My H remembers taking trips into the city with him and his mother so he could buy his new supply of drugs. He would then sit at the kitchen table and shoot up and/or snort up while everyone was eating dinner. The mother allowed this to happen in front of her kids.
Stepfather did spend some time in jail for drug related crimes. When he would come out he would be clean for a little bit only to get back into is old habits. He lost his job and the mother had to go back to work so she could support her 6 children. It came to a point that stepfather would rarely come home because he was usually spending it at his gfs house. Everyone did not know when he would show up again or what kind of behavior he would bring with him. My H knew things were getting out of hand and taught his sister, who was 9 years old at the time how to call 911 in case he ever showed up and started being violent again. Well it happened. He came home one night drunk and high as ever and started in with H mother. Everyone was asleep, including my H, who was 18 at the time. Well my H heard banging around and came around to see what was going on. He then saw his stepfather grabbing mother by the hair because she was trying to call the police on him. He ripped the phone off the wall and threw it at her. He then threw H mother down the stairs. My H came to his mother's defense and tried to fend stepfather off. His 9 year old sister came out of her room to see what was going on and my H yelled to her to call 911. She did as she was told. H and stepfather were going at it. Stepfather even reached into the knife draw at one point and was trying to stab my H. The police were on there way and my H was trying to keep his stepfather in the house so the police could arrest him. Stepfather finally broke free from my H and ran outside to jump in his car to leave. He was high and drunk and he did not have his glasses on because they broke during their fight. Stepfather took off with the police right behind him. He didn't get very far. About a half mile down the road he wrapped his car around a telephone pole. He ended up in a coma and died a week later.
Everyone could breathe a sigh of relief when he passed on. It was no way to live in constant fear of your lives. The entire family never went to counseling and everyone just moved on and seemed to forget about it. No one ever dealt with what happened.
Well about 1 week later after SF's death, H mother started seeing someone new. Who you may ask? Well get this, she started seeing one of sf's old buddies, a cell roomate from jail. She has been with him ever since. This guy is a loser and basically uses the mother. He is not a mean guy, just a loser. He has never had a job and the mother basically does everything for him. This guy won't even admit that they are an item but he has no problem having sex with her, her finacially supporting him in his own place, and her going over to his house to cook him breakfast, lunch and dinner. This guy is real lazy and sits home all day and watches TV. I heard he is a big soap opera fan.
Since the stepfather's death, there had been a lot of problems within H immediate family. The oldest sister moved in with her obnoxious, controlling bf and his family at the age of 18. That was 7 years ago and she no longer talks to anyone in the family accept the oldest of the half sisters. The 9 year old I had talked about ran away when she was 15 to Puerto Rico with a guy who was 23 at the time. My H was always very close with her and would do anything for her but when he brought her home from Puerto Rico she was furious at him and was out to get him. She told Child protective services that he beat her up. She wanted him off her back because he was trying to help her. CPS knew she was lying and found my H not guilty but my H was extremely hurt by her actions. They haven't spoken in 6 years and only recently during my H's MLC has he tried to reconnect with her. After years of counseling (she is the only one of the kids that ever went) she is doing great. She is graduating college this month with a GPA of 3.8. Another one of his sisters had a baby while a senior in high school. She isn't a bad person, but she just seems to find loser like her mother did to date. The youngest of the girls is into drugs, drinking, dating a 24 year old and misses school a lot. She is only 16. My H always seemed to be embarrassed because of all the drama his family made. He was always above them and always stood out from all of them. We got married, we had 2 kids, he has a great paying job, the american dream basically. He should of been living on top of the world. You would think by looking at him "how could he be miserable?" But he is. Right now he thinks I am the cause of all this misery. He has yet to look at the real cause of all his pain. I think he thinks it is too much to deal with so he rather just self-medicate himself with alcohol, working a lot, and of course, his ow. I do hope one day my H will find a way to get passed all this and get some help. I am not so sure he will though. Sometimes I feel like he has had too much childhood damage.
