I appreciate your expressiveness, in many ways you have stated my inner dialogue so much more eloquently than I can! I truly believe that H has to make his decision entirely on his own, and though it hurts, I would much rather he stay away until he is firmly commited to me and our family. I have no desire to be his 'ball and chain', with whom he stays out of obligation. That said...
Theo,
Both H and I come from deeply religious upbringings, and I have struggled mightily over this very issue--the need for me to love H unconditionally, and the knowledge of just how deep and spiritually crippling his sins are--not only to me and the kids, but more importantly, to himself.
I don't have specific answers per se, but I have decided that it's in God's hands. It's not my responsibility to persuade, judge or condemn, but only to love. Unconditionally. He'll make up the rest. Now or later, I can't say, but that's the test. Can I be patient and open and free from bitterness and resentment? I wasn't sure about those things for a long time, but now I can say, YES!
