Your post brought up a memory of when I was about 11 or 12. My mom had taken my youngest sister and I away from the house because my parents had been fighting. My mom told us she was going to get a divorce from my dad. I remember how I cried and begged my mom not to do that. I was so scared and in great pain from the fear that was within me.
She didn't get the divorce but there were more blowups to come in thr future. Each one brought more pain and fear.
When my mom was going through her MLC, she was out late one night when my dad came home from work. It was probably 1 am or so in the morning. I was probably about 16 at the time. My dad came into my bedroom and took my shotgun off the gun rack above my bed. I pretended I was asleep.
When my mom came home, he confronted her about being out drinking and doing who knows what. I heard later that he had the shotgun laying across the kitchen table. What his intentions were I don't know. You hear about spousal murders all the time and I can see how they happen.
When I was about 13-15 my second oldest sister took me with her to a town about 20 miles from our house. She had recieved a call from a man that said our mom was in a hotel room and was drunk and out of it.
When we got to the hotel, my sister made me wait in the car. When she returned, we went to the store to get some things for my mom. We left without her and it wasn't until years later that I learned my sister found her naked and sprawled on the bed, totally drunk.
My mom had a number of health issues while I was growing up. She had health problems while pregnant with me. sixe weeks after I was born she went into the hospital for galdbladder surgery.
over the years while growing up she was in and out of the hospital with other surgerys and was admitted a few times into a mentsal hospital. She also tried to commit suicide about three times up until I was about 20.
My life was filled with fear, rejection and abandonment. I definetly had trust issues and struggled with all my emotions that I was feeling. I felt very alone as I had no one to talk to about what I was feeling inside.
When my mom was going through her MLC my dad was working nights. She would leave the house after I went to bed. I remember feeling so scared and abandoned hearing the back door shut when she left. I would then go to my sisters bedroom crying asking if I could sleep in their romm in my sleeping bag. They would tell me, quit being such a baby and go back to your room. I was so scared and felt all alone.
There was a time I was in the emrgency room of the hospital with my dad. My mom was having her stomach pumped from taking prescrition pills in one of her attempts to commmit suicide. I remembr telling my dad that I wished she would just die. I was so tired of feeling all the pain inside of me and just wanted it to stop.
Looking back at my childhood I'm amazed how well I have done as an adult. My childhood experiences definetly had an impact on my adult life and especially my first marriage. But I have to say, the experiences have played a big role in who I am today. If it wasn't for having gone through all those painful emotional experiences, I wouldn't be as in touch with peoples emotions today and understand what a MLC person is feeling inside.
I was a "silent son" and will always be one, just as an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic even in recovery. Maybe I'm what you would call a recoverying silent son.
Everyday posting here is an opportunity for me to heal from my past and help others understand the pain that is within their MLC spouse.
