Quote: P.S. Did someone ask about calling at 10:30 at night...?
not really, simply mentioned it in the am..."did you get my message that some guy chuck called you?" I said yes and explained what happened (the two different places) and that I didn't call because he had mentioned calling at that hour inapropriate.. that was the end of that... really wish that he would have made a stink over it but what can ya do...the guy is confident...doesn't make sense for him to be so confident...as when I asked him what he was thinking when he would take ow to lunch...two versions...oh ll is just old ll...sitting there waiting for me...or ll doesn't like me anyway... and ll doesn't like me anyway is more in line with what he had been thinking..
I don't know how I feel right now... h left in the middle of chritmas day to go out plowing...came back round 1 am for a bite to eat a change of clothes and a nap..then left round 7 am for more plowing..didn't hear much from him during the day...came home around 5...ate with us..(mil,fil and grand mil still here at that time) h then hit the couch fell asleep..I put kids to bed...eventually suggested to h that he take the shower he had wanted to take and then go up to bed...so then I got his pjs and a soda and still h says give me a min..needless to say it is now 10:30 I am tired...I would like for h to come to bed...but h is asleep on the couch and can't seem to get up take shower and get to bed...
I know I shouldn't take it personally...I've been tired and un-motivated myself at times..but now I've let h know I'm going up to bed, un plugged the tree..turned off the lights...and h is still on the couch..I suppose at somepoint in the night he will get up take his shower and make it upstairs..just would be nice to fall asleep with him there..
the past few weeks have been odd...h is not as affectionate as he was...not cold but something is just missing...maybe its me..
well h did replace my balloon and on christmas eve..replaced the arraingement I sent myself with some beautiful pink roses...said the others were looking a bit droopy (he was right but I tend to just leave them till they are too sad to keep) so that was nice...h did get me diamond studs (but had a brief memory lapse about the ones I have worn everday since he gave them to me on our wedding night...the new ones are a tad bigger...but did catch it)
I don't know what it is I am looking for from h...I liked the way I was feeling when he first came round...there was a certain passion but more than that.. maybe if I read back I will see that though things have slowed down I am in a better place now... it is just scary to me because I don't want this to ever happen again...I can deal with down times in the r (have for years) I can deal with his libido swings (well I try to) but I cannot and will not deal with ow this one or any other one...and how will I know. when things are good I am confident she is gone and he is focussed here...when things are "normal" I sway with my feelings..when things are abnormal (snow storms...h being tired...and any other random thing) I get very insecure.
I am tired and I will go to sleep by myself and know that my h is asleep on the couch not because he doesn't want to be in our bed beside me but because he had to spend christmas day and night and the next out plowing others out of the snow so that our family can live in a warm comfortable house full of food and gifts...and tommorrow morning h will be greeted by his two beautiful babbies who missed their daddy very much this chritmas.
why hasn't my h asked me to put my rings back on?????????? why did my h fall in love with some dumb woman who didn't know enough to make friends with the other housewives and leave the landscapers to their work. will I ever feel safe in my marriage...I know that I will be ok regardless that I can do and be anything I want, that I am strong and smart and beautiful and fun and (ok I'll stop the pep talk) I just want to know that my h truly loves me for me and will be happy to share his life with me.
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