Quoting lostlove: I would assume the courteous thing to do if you are going to leave the house (even if to go to the end of the driveway to chop wood) is to say...I'll be outside...but h went from the shower to the wood pile...h is again back to sitting in front of the computer listening to the pat's highlight clip from last season..
Again with the Mars/Venus thing. One of the ways we sort things out is to sit in front of the computer (or TV or fire or whatever) and stare.
Quote: I wanted to take a shower and h is now out side at the wood pile so I cannot.
Best thing to do is to tell him you'd like to take a shower and see if he offers to stay in and watch the kids. Gives him an "easy" way to be the "hero"--and gets you your shower.
ok I like to post possitives when they happen so here goes...h was out christmas shopping today and when he came home he had with him a balloon...a heart shaped "youre special" balloon...much better than the one that son popped...h had son bring it to me (I was up giving dd a bath) what a sap I am...he replaces a balloon I bought for myself and I wanted to cry.. oh but here's the kicker...son took the balloon to the family room (cathedral ceiling) and turned on the fan...thus pulling the balloon up getting tangled in the fan breaking the string...so h just had to take out a ladder to get the string off of the fan and retrieve the balloon... oh the excitment with a three year old boy just never ceases..
I've been thinking about you a lot... I've been away from the board, "living my life". Still, I think of many of my friends here, and I think of you a lot.
Last time I checked in, your H was still basicly living in his apartment, and "visiting" your house. Now, do I read that he lives at home with you, but "visits" the apartment? LL, is that progress, or what? Good for you, girl!
You are making it, L. You are "winning". Yes, you need to get a life, but you are doing a fine job being a terrific mom to your babies, all 3 of them. You have a life, and it's ok to broaden it. Take that night job, but for you, not to make him more "responsible". Even if all the money you make goes to babysitters, it will be your life. And, yes, you and he made a decision to not use child care, but then he resigned from the marriage. If he still supports that decision, and he needs to get with the fact that he is also responsible to providing care. You get that job, you get that life. He has to share. It is one way to wake him up the the realities of his agreements. It seems to me that most of what's up with him now is an unawareness of his responsibilities, of his agreements, of his immaturety. Yet, it seems on another level (work) he has little problem with this. So, you can make him extend this to that small, additional part of his life, his family... You wrote before that he was pretty good at it when you were separated... so now he can follow through when you are together. You both need to do things that openly and honestly confront the complexities of a live in relationship. It's part of the necessary intimacy and partnership that make a marriage work.
I think you are doing great, LL. We are still in that same boat where I wish I had your physical closeness, and I wish for you the emotional closeness I am building. Please, continue to help me learn from you, as I do whenever I read your posts....
LL, Just stopping by to say hello and to check on you. I'd say you are doing great lady! Keep looking for that good stuff. Cause the bad stuff is much easier to see.
Place your faith and hope with the Lord. He's working overtime in your M right now. Continue to have patience. It is obvious it is working.
Take care! I hope you have a blessed Xmas!
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
It sounds to me like you're making a lot of progress. H told you this is where he lives? That's great! He bought the balloon for you. I see lots of positives. As for the shower thing, ask. We have to ask for what we want. Don't fall into the mind reading game. You can't/won't win at that. I see lots of good things for your sitch. Hopefully, someday, I can get to the point where H and I are at least in the same house. Sure do miss him.
LL - that was a special thing that your H did in getting the balloon. Then he had to go retrieve it from the ceiling fan! LOL! I can relate to that since we have a 3 year old boy as well. W comments every so often that boys are just wired differently than girls are - how true!
I hope that you and yours have a safe and Merry Christmas tomorrow! I'll be on holiday for the remainder of the week but will check the boards while I have my work computer fired up to check e-mails.
BTW - Read Michele's first chapter of The Sex-Starved Marriage that she just posted. I put the book on my Amazon wish list so that I don't forget about it. Hopefully W and I can put it to good use someday. But life's too short to be in an enforced celibacy - something that I find rather disturbing really...
LL, I hope you had a blessed holiday with your family. Things sound likethey are going smooth..I know being in with little kids all day can be crazy...do what you need to do to also include fun stuff for you. Keep having faith and patience. Sue
SI 
I can relate to that since we have a 3 year old boy as well. W comments every so often that boys are just wired differently than girls are - how true! 