I've been thinking about you a lot... I've been away from the board, "living my life". Still, I think of many of my friends here, and I think of you a lot.
Last time I checked in, your H was still basicly living in his apartment, and "visiting" your house. Now, do I read that he lives at home with you, but "visits" the apartment? LL, is that progress, or what? Good for you, girl!
You are making it, L. You are "winning". Yes, you need to get a life, but you are doing a fine job being a terrific mom to your babies, all 3 of them. You have a life, and it's ok to broaden it. Take that night job, but for you, not to make him more "responsible". Even if all the money you make goes to babysitters, it will be your life. And, yes, you and he made a decision to not use child care, but then he resigned from the marriage. If he still supports that decision, and he needs to get with the fact that he is also responsible to providing care. You get that job, you get that life. He has to share. It is one way to wake him up the the realities of his agreements. It seems to me that most of what's up with him now is an unawareness of his responsibilities, of his agreements, of his immaturety. Yet, it seems on another level (work) he has little problem with this. So, you can make him extend this to that small, additional part of his life, his family... You wrote before that he was pretty good at it when you were separated... so now he can follow through when you are together. You both need to do things that openly and honestly confront the complexities of a live in relationship. It's part of the necessary intimacy and partnership that make a marriage work.
I think you are doing great, LL. We are still in that same boat where I wish I had your physical closeness, and I wish for you the emotional closeness I am building. Please, continue to help me learn from you, as I do whenever I read your posts....
