I think I belong here.

[peaceful_spirit]

Choc, thanks for the input.

Lou,
Very helpful. Thank you. Your sex life sounds like what ours was. We would have sex usually on the weekend, but not every weekend. And certainly not during the week. That's why he brought up weekends. Becuase in the past, during the week was a real rarity. So, some weekends we would. And when we did, I wasn't into it. Well, sometimes I was. But for the most part, it was like pulling teeth for H to get sex.

As for the porn, I think he's always looked at it. It used to be one magazine that he hid under teh couch. Then it was one video that he had. Then when the internet became so available, that's now his vehicle of choice. In terms of whether he did this before or after our sex life went down hill, to be totally honest, we never really had a good sex life. I never saw it as an important part of an R. And I was VERY reserved. No different positions or anything -- I hope I'm not getting too detailed. I just always thought he was too into sex and that all women were more like me.

Cobra,
I just got a book, "His Needs, Her Needs". No, I haven't heard about the one you mentioned.

You raise an interesting point about the depression. I know that for a few years prior to him leaving, I felt a distance between us getting further and further. Every time i would say that things were strained, he denied it and said things were fine. Then when he met OW, he said that things were not good with us for a few years and that he didn't love me anymore.

So, since his A started, I think he's been experiencing more and more depression. So, which comes first, the chicken or the egg? I'm not sure.

As for the kind of support I get over there on the MLC board, it's really a matter of letting our H's go to sort out their own mess while the LBS works on themselves. I don't find it to be poision, but rather a supportive group of people.

Regarding me, I truely worked on me. I didn't just harden. I changed all the things about me that I hadn't liked for years. H leaving me just launched me into doing this. I have changed my perspectives about a lot of things. I have become more independant. I have learned to make my own happiness rather than relying on H to make me happy. I have found inner peace.

I really appreicate the feedback I've gotten here. I especially enjoying hearing from the POV of a HD man. I just need to hear the other side of the coin.