Quoting lostlove: see instead of being accusitory (well I was right after all wasn't i, he did have ow) and saying what are you doing all day...bla bla bla....I simply say..what've you been up to....and he rambles..happily..
brilliant in its simplicity...and it works, too!
Quote: so things are going well if I just keep calm and stop letting my head wander to what h is doing
It is all in how we ask, I sure know that badgering does nothing..but phrasing it differently says the same thing, but to them it seems nicer!Keep the calm, you are doing great. Sue
well things are still going well, h is still being considerate...there are things that still bother me...
it is not that I feel h nessisarily pulling away...but the exitment seems to have worn off a bit...
h still makes me tea in the am (that is if he wakes up first) h still cuddles me in bed... h still calls h still comes "home" everynight.. but something is missing..and I don't know what it is...maybe it's the persuit I felt from him during that first month..maybe it's just another swing in his libido..(not getting none just not as much and have gotten the I'm tired bit a couple of times, granted I've been tired to but wouldn't sleep be that much better)
maybe I've just been expressing my feelings to much lately...maybe I need to start keeping it to myself and "acting as if again"
so we went out shopping for the kids last night..and you guessed it I took 2 min to go to the bathroom and h was on the phone with buddie...stayed on the phone with buddie while we shopped...phoned buddie a couple more times throughout the evening too....I just think it's rude...I leave my cell in the car and even if someone does call me I don't sit there laughing and joking with them
how do I put up with this rudeness without pissing h off...stay quiet and have him continue it...and hope he stops...or say something...but show him more and more that "it's not enough" so while we were in the mall we walked by two young guys one of which was on a cell phone chatting away while the other just stood there like wtf? so I commented to h...I hate cell phones...it's one thing when you are out alone and talking to someone (even that's a bit rude) but when you are with someone it is just rude to be with them and carrying on a conversation with another person.. h asked if I was refering to him...I said no I just saw those two...well if you want to throw yourself in too I guess. he didn't seem to have much to say about it other than Iguess your right...
so two things that have always been a problem are once again a problem... h's damn cell phone and his need to always have it on him..even when he's out with me. h's in consitant libido. LL
maybe it's just me...maybe I am too insecure to be with h.. maybe my social anxiety makes it difficult for me to be with h..
maybe h is in a mlc... maybe h is just not the guy for me...
maybe h is slipping back to his old ways..
I would assume the courteous thing to do if you are going to leave the house (even if to go to the end of the driveway to chop wood) is to say...I'll be outside...but h went from the shower to the wood pile...h is again back to sitting in front of the computer listening to the pat's highlight clip from last season..
do these things matter?? I suppose not...maybe I'm just too considerate...or maybe it just pisses me off cause I wanted to take a shower and h is now out side at the wood pile so I cannot...lest I want to come out and find that son has made a mess of something or dd has woken and is screaming...
LL - doing a quick drive by and see that you're a bit down at the moment. You mentioned about the need to get back to a life of your own - I agree wholeheartedly. It's interesting that in the process of getting that life of my own, W thinks that I'm not working on the marriage and whatever changes I have made are transparent to her. I think that it bothers her that she is trying to deal with me according to her rules and I have changed the dymanic by following a different set of rules.
They say that if you change, the relationship changes as a result. I think that we all need to make some New Year's resolutions towards getting that "life of our own." Just have to find the time to do some thinking...
well here's a possitive for ya!! h went to the game last night..8:30 game...I did not expect him to come home..and actually he brought clothes with him incase he didn't (he still has the appartment) but HE CAME HOME!!! and this am...(well actually he's still in bed) I told him that son had asked if he'd be comming over and that I told him no cause I didn't know...and h said to me well this is were I live!!
so I may be down...but I don't think it is all to do with h.. I have not worked since my son was born..and he will be 4 in april..I live in a rural area...so am alone (just me and the kiddos) alot... it's winter... I will be 30 next month (don't know why I care or if I really do...I have done so much already so what's the big deal) I think it's the cabin feaver...my lack of a "persona" who am I but wife and mom?? (I know I'm more I've just been in pitty mode)
and yes what has happend in my marriage does get me down...the ow does get me down...the question of is h telling the truth and it was not pa gets me down.
I will be ok..
we are having christmas here this year and I am so thankful to not have to drag the kids around and load up the car with all the "stuff" they will no doubt be getting from the families..
SI 
